Monday, March 17, 2008

David Cameron has lost his mind

It is a little known fact amongst the general population that money alone will not get you into Eton; you actually have to pass exams to get in. And believe me, Eton can afford to be picky: when I did the Scholarship, back in 1990, there were seven boys vying for each place.

Unfortunately, they were obviously considerably less picky when Dave Spam got in. Well, either that or Dave has actually lost his tiny fucking mind.

So, you sit back wearily and regard me with some resignation: "What has he done now?"
  • "Well," says I, "I was wandering around at Vindico's place, and I spotted his fisking of Dave's latest lunacy, as reported in this Telegraph article."

  • "Well, we shall come to Vindico's conclusion in a second. First, what does Mr Cameron propose?"

  • "Let me just find my place... er... right, yes, here we are.
    Company bosses should have their bonuses cut if their firms do not act responsibly to help communities tackle teenage binge-drinking and recycling under Conservative plans to be announced today.

    The Tories want to compel companies to link directors' bonuses with their charity work rather than profits.

    Shops that move chocolate bars away from check-outs to stop children pestering their parents to buy them or television stations which do not screen graphic material until late at night are examples of firms which would not face penalties under the scheme.

    David Cameron will today unveil plans to encourage corporate responsibility in areas ranging from obesity to climate change. Among the more radical proposals is a suggestion that companies could be judged against each other...

    What?"

  • "Like a market, you mean?"

  • "No. And don't interrupt; I'm nearly done...
    ... with the Financial Services Authority issuing an annual social responsibility index.

    Shareholders in companies found to have failed to put the good of the community above that of profit margins would be encouraged to dock annual bonuses from senior managers.

    There."

  • "What? What! What the fucking hell is he playing at? Why doesn't he just fucking nationalise every fucking company and run them according to the way that he wants them to run? The man's gone insane."

  • "Well, I did warn you that he had lost his tiny mind."

  • "Fucking hellski."

  • "Yes, that was my approximate summing up of the situation."

  • "And Vindico's?"

  • "Much the same, but less pithy.
    Oh dear. So at the next election the country gets to choose between a high tax and spend party and another high tax and spend party; between a nannying party and another nannying party; between a capitalism hating party and another capitalism hating party; between a big fucking rock and a very hard place. Lucky Brits.

    One finds it difficult to disagree with his analysis, that's for sure. Have you anything to add to that?"

  • "Fucking hellski!"

  • "Indeed."

18 comments:

lettersfromatory said...

I like the sentiment, but I'm not sure that this policy would work in practice. Surely shareholders only care about profits, and if they don't want to maximise their profits, why are they shareholders?

Mark Wadsworth said...

DC lost his tiny mind years ago, in the past couple of years he hasn't actually said a single thing that actually makes sense, and most of what he did say was on this level of gibberish. I could do a list but it would take me all day and I am sure you can guess what's on it.

Anonymous said...

Net result here will be that absolutely nobody bothers to vote, or the BNP become the main party !

Andrew Ian Dodge said...

Here is transcript of his mind-numbingly idiotic interview on the BBC yesterday. It was so bad this house was shouting at the TV is frustration!

dirty european socialist said...

What siw rong with getting business to stop reward business men who fail.

Devil's Kitchen said...

"What siw rong with getting business to stop reward business men who fail."

But that is not what Cameron is proposing. Businessmen who fail, go bust or lose profits and sharholders absolutely should hold them to account.

But businessmen who don't behave according to the government's personal prejudies shouldn't be punished by their shareholders, especially if that same businessman has maximised profits by ignoring the government prejudices.

DK

dirty european socialist said...

The government should punish them as has been said by many wealthy buisinessmen. Welathy Billionaire Itcahn says business in the west is fat on bonuses they do not deserve.

Rob said...

How about we dock the salaries and expenses of politicians when their fucking stupid schemes cause chaos?

Hello? Anyone there...?

The whole economy is on the edge of a nasty recession, the country is taxed to the eyeballs, and what are the Tories coming out with? Sticking with lunatic tax and spend plans for at least four years, and hippy crap like this.

Who, precisely, is this garbage aimed at? Are there more than ten thousand people in Britain who would find this a good idea?

Devil's Kitchen said...

"The government should punish them as has been said by many wealthy buisinessmen. Welathy Billionaire Itcahn says business in the west is fat on bonuses they do not deserve."

That is not your decision to make (nor is it Cameron's) unless you happen to be a shareholder of said company, in which case you can express you disapproval at the AGM.

DK

GavinB said...

Since when did government by decree become acceptable in the UK ? im sure there have been afew civil wars fought in England over this issue

Dr John Crippen said...

But DK, did you GET the scholarship?


John

Devil's Kitchen said...

'Fraid not, Doc. I did well enough not to have to take Common Entrance though, which was a giggle.

The Scholarship was taken a couple of months before CE, so I had the joy of wandering around my school not having to do anything whatsoever, whilst other people sweated and paniced over exams...

DK

Jules said...

Like it. How about kebabing that swivel-eyed cunt Ed Balls for requesting the Hansard reporter change his "So what?" heckle - in DC's budget reposte about the UK having the highest levels of personal taxation in the UK - to "So weak!"?

How Balls can get away with this and not be publicly pilloried, I don't know. He's got his head so far up Brown's arse, he's got a red rash round his neck.

Jules said...

i mean the EU. oops.

Bishop Brennan said...

Only option will be to vote for the Libertarian Party :). DK - You could be the new Ali Campbell?! ;)


BB

Vicola said...

Surely the whole point of being the director of a company was that you made enough money to live in a gated community in a posh area, meaning you didn't have to give a toss if chavs down the shit end of town were getting tanked up on Diamond white and smashing bus stops or whether poor kids were getting fat? This stupid plan would spoil all that and make it almost not worth being a director anymore. The swines.

Philip Thomas said...

Great plan, Dave. So rather than Labour's big idea of the government solving everything wrong with society, you've come up with the government solving everything wrong with society by forcing companies to do it for you. Hmmmm, I think it'll have the same outcome: no fucking improvement whatsoever. Why? Because society is the outcome of the chosen actions of individuals and so long as the power to determine how society is remains separated from those individuals and focused on a collectivised agent, society will stay broken.

I'm a Conservative. I'm not sure what Dave Cameron bloody is.

Anonymous said...

Why the hell would anyone wish to extend the competence - no that's not quite right - the remit of the Financial Services Authority, an institution that even Blair acknowledged was failing and that - following Brown's accession - has been revealed as asleep at the wheel?