Thousands of children face having a criminal record if they are caught holding a can of beer, under plans being considered by ministers.
The proposals would mean that any under-18s found by police with alcohol would receive a criminal conviction, which would have to be declared to future employers.
It comes just a day after The Daily Telegraph revealed that people who are caught with a joint of cannabis face being fined and having their names recorded in the Police National Computer.
This is just getting silly now. Look, one of two things will happen here (or possibly both will). In the first situation, a young man has to declare that he was caught holding a can of beer in the street, and both he and his employer will laugh their fucking heads off. This will bring the law into disrepute.
In the second situation, employers will take this conviction seriously. The young man then won't be able to get a job and will be forced to live on benefits, at the taxpayers' expense. Eventually, he may get bored and turn to criminality. Who knows?
Neither situation is ideal or even desirable.
Jacqui Smith, the Home Secretary, said earlier this month that ministers were looking at tightening confiscation rules which allow police officers to remove alcohol from teenagers.
However, yesterday Vernon Coaker, the Home Office minister, took the move further by saying that officials were examining whether to make "possession of alcohol by someone under 18 a criminal offence". Mr Coaker revealed that a review of how police deal with problem drinking would consider whether children caught with alcohol should get criminal records.
"It's something we are not saying we are going to do, but it is something that has been raised with us," he said.
"However," the ironically named Mr Coaker continued, "Jacqui got so excited at the idea of yet more bansturbation that the amount of juices pouring out of her foetid hole made it look as though she had pissed herself. Naturally, I was deeply excited too and started stroking my wrinkly little cock. Eventually, Jacqui leapt on me and we dry-humped, frotting ourselves to orgasm.
"We didn't shag though; Jacqui's married and we wouldn't want to do anything inappropriate."
Actually, I think that I have just made myself feel slightly nauseous...