Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Mythical beasts

Via Climate Skeptic, I rather hope that there are a lot more of these kind of stories. [Emphasis mine.]
Despite having hundreds of sonar contacts over the years, the trail has since gone cold and Rines believes that Nessie may be dead, a victim of global warming.

The more of these fucking stupid stories there are, the more discredited and desperate the enviro-loons will look.

Still, Nessie and anthropogenic global warming do share certain characteristics: they are both total fucking myths for a start...

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

So Nessie is dead. Woe and lamentation, a mythical beast laid low by a mythical global threat.

I am so glad that I played no part in this as I gave up driving my Chrysler Voyager and turned off all my heating and lights and stopped cooking with gas after I read 5000000 things you can do to go greener in the Grauniad.

Hookers & Gin said...

Couldn't be old age as Nessies live forever, as any fool know. Damn, this guy rings the bell on the Test Your Stupid machine with every swipe.

Anonymous said...

Fuck you all. Nessie is real. She's just on holiday right now. But she'll be back and then you'll all eat your bastarding words.

Fucking myth, indeed....

Cunts.

Nessie is brilliant. I hope she eats you for doubting her.

Anonymous said...

An animal that if the loonies are to believe has survived countless mass extinctions and dramatic climatic shifts is killed off by a few degrees centigrade?

Liz said...

And the corpse bobs along merrily on the surface as we speak, no doubt.

I've been enjoying the BBC's 'thousands will die in the UK due to global warming-induced summer heatwaves' today, especially when compared with the Times' 'thousands will be saved from death by hypothermia in winter'. The BBC also claims that there will be *more sun*. I'm still not completely clear on how that works.

lettersfromatory said...

What a bunch of muppets. How can anyone seriously listen to a group of people who use the Loch Ness monster as an argument to save the environment? At least if they stuck to scientific arguments, I might be willing to hear them out.

Travis Bickle said...

It can only be a matter of time before Al Gore's lecture includes a slide of a polar bear clinging precariously to nessie's floating corpse, and my won't the BBC be pleased?

xoggoth said...

Of course it is true and not only Nessie is at risk. I have not seen a single Bigfoot in my garden all winter.

Anonymous said...

The best argument for what Nessie might be goes as follows: Firstly, since Loch Ness was under a couple of kilometres of ice during each ice age, whatever is in there is NOT a relic prehistoric reptile.

Secondly, it isn't a supernatural beastie, since it behaves like flesh and blood.

What it must be is a member of a known species that is acting unusually. The best candidate so far is the common European eel, which under certain circumstances (deep, dark cold oligotrophic lakes) can grow slowly to huge sizes and for whatever reason (brain parasites, or maybe just never seeing the environmental cues to migrate) does not migrate.

This nicely fulfils all the criteria for Nessie. The lake's too small for a breeding population, and other lakes in the Lake District have similar legends of big aquatic unknown beasts, so whatever is there is NOT breeding. There is thus a requirement for a source of mini-monsters.

The beast is also a water-breather; if it breathed air we'd have seen it much more and caught one by now. Eels use gills, reptiles mostly use lungs.

Finally eels are slightly curious and have some slight mobility on land; both characteristics of Nessie. Non-migrating eels are also not going to be affected by climate change as they're not technically another species.

So, the environmentalists are wrong, as per usual. NB: The above hypothesis was thought up and investigated by Mr Jonathan Downes of the Centre for Fortean Zoology, a specialist research group for investigation of unusual zoology.

woman on a raft said...

My friend had a tortoise in her garden for years, and then one day a family moved in at the far end of the village who also had a tortoise.

Next thing you know, her armoured adventurer has sniffed a lady tortoise - something he never expected - and came over all amorous, escaping over a three foot wall and making it all the way to his beloved. It must have taken him at least five days to get to his heart's desire, but nothing would stop him. Not dogs, or driveways nor drains. The new family told the story of the mystery lover in the parish mag, and my friend stepped forward but decided that with true love like that, the tortoises should stay together.

Well, s'obvious innit. A lady monster has turned up somewhere else in Scotland.

Not only is this a suitable story for Valentine's Day, but it happens to be true. My friend Sue was surprised - she had always thought her tortoise was a lady.

Mark Wadsworth said...

What a bastard, he zaps Nessie to death with his sonar equipment and then tries to pin the blame on somebody else.

Serf said...

Mythical problem kills mythical creature.

Sounds about right.

Anonymous said...

Not all mythical creatures though,
the troupe of fairies that flit around at my bints hairdressers are apparently none the worse for global warming.