The Devil's Kitchen: Love EU

Current

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Love EU

Posted by Devil's Kitchen at 2/14/2008 02:18:00 PM

As Trixy has found, some people in the EU have far too much time on their hands.

The busy little bees in the European Parliament website have been excelling themselves finding new bits of flannel to put on. Today they have gone for the theme of Love. And even with this topic, this chemical imbalance, they have managed to find the time for legislation...
If there was a European Charter for Love, what should be in it?

Genowefa Grabowska (PES, PL): There should be no age limit...nor should it contain any sanctions. It has to be based on persuasion and faith...Maybe the Slovenian presidency could introduce a Charter of Love.

Katalin Lévai (PES, HU), author of the bestseller "Pillow-book": Mutual understanding and respect. Love is not only about sensual pleasures, but it is also about a spiritual and intellectual togetherness, otherwise desire dwindles away.

Frédérique Ries (ALDE, BE): Please, no charter! Love is allergic to paragraphs and annexes.

Zita Pleštinská (EPP-ED, SK): Love never fails. If we managed to put this idea into practise, the world would become much nicer. Then the Charter could replace many EP resolutions.

Henrik Lax (ALDE, FI): Live with your loved one as if every day you are together could be your last.

Christofer Fjellner (EPP-ED, SV): Love should not be bound by any borders; any more than goods, services, capital or people.

There's more, but I have already vomited up my morning screwdriver and I have no wish to waste more good alcohol.

But in response to the question as to what would be in the EU Charter of Love, I can answer that it would be full of immensely petty rules harmonising the duration of sex, laws about maximum cock curvature and regulations about the minimum number of meaningless platitudes that couples were allowed lovingly to declare over breakfast.

In short, any EU Charter of Love would attempt to codify and regulate love and sex until they meant absolutely fuck all anymore.

Big Brother

Suffice to say that it surely cannot be long before the European Union sets up Miniluv and the only person that we will be allowed to love will be Big Brother...

Labels: endemic corruption, EU, general hilarity, stupidity, who fucking cares?

Posted by Devil's Kitchen at 2/14/2008 02:18:00 PM

4 Blogger Comments:

The Tin Drummer said...: "...laws about maximum cock curvature..."

Needless to say, this would be enforced by EU inspectors who would have the powers to arrest anyone "on the job" if their cock were found to be exceeding these limits. You could train a whole bunch of them; given the amount of sex in the UK I suggest that one inspector per consenting adult,(or whoever) would be appropriate. However, this law might be found to be discriminatory so may I suggest a female equivalent law be enacted as well? Although I'm too much of a gentleman to suggest just what this law should be.

On the other hand, DK, there'd be targets for sexual activity - so it couldn't be all bad. I'd be able to woo the girls with "I'm going to miss my EU target if you don't sleep with me". Well, it can't be any worse than my usual chat up lines.; 2/14/2008 03:40:00 PM
Trixy said...: I'm sure someone has used that line on me...; 2/14/2008 05:13:00 PM
Anonymous said...: If there's targets involved then you can bet a raft of executive non-jobs needs to be created.; 2/14/2008 05:23:00 PM
Anonymous said...: Was going...to say some...thing!..red mist..over eyes!..sphincter tightening...left eardrum bursts, blood`n steam over screen...can`t see keybo; 2/15/2008 05:18:00 AM

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Create a Link

<< Home

"The best British political/libertarian blog on the web. Consistently excellent but not for the squeamish."—Christopher Snowdon
"[He] runs the infamous and fantastically sweary Devil’s Kitchen blog, and because he’s one of the naughtiest geeks (second only to the incredibly, incredibly naughty Guido Fawkes) he’s right at the top of the evil dork hierarchy."—Charlotte Gore
"I met the Devil's Kitchen the other night. What a charming young man he is, and considerably modest too..."—Peter Briffa
"The Devil's Kitchen exposes hypocrisy everywhere, no holds barred."—Wrinkled Weasel
"People can still be controversial and influential whilst retaining integrity—Devil's Kitchen springs to mind—and attract frequent but intelligent comment."—Steve Shark, at B&D
"Sometimes too much, sometimes wrong, sometimes just too much but always worth a read. Not so much a blog as a force of nature."—The Nameless Libertarian
"The Devil's Kitchen—a terrifying blog that covers an astonishing range of subjects with an informed passion and a rage against the machine that leaves me in awe..."—Polaris
"He rants like no one else in the blogosphere. But it's ranting in an eloquent, if sweary, kind of way. Eton taught him a lot."—Iain Dale
"But for all that, he is a brilliant writer—incisive, fisker- extraordinaire and with an over developed sense of humour... And he can back up his sometimes extraordinary views with some good old fashioned intellectual rigour... I'm promoting him on my blogroll to a daily read."—Iain Dale
"... an intelligent guy and a brilliant writer..."—A Very British Dude
"... the glorious Devil's Kitchen blog—it's not for the squeamish or easily offended..."—Samizdata
"... a very, smart article... takes a pretty firm libertarian line on the matter."—Samizdata
"By the way, DK seems to be on fucking good form at the moment."—Brian Mickelthwait
"Perhaps the best paragraph ever written in the history of human creation. It's our Devil on fine form."—Vindico
"Devil's Kitchen is the big name on the free-market libertarian strand of the British blogosphere... Profane rants are the immediate stand-out feature of DK's blog, but the ranting is backed up by some formidable argument on a wide range of issues particularly relating to British and European parliamentary politics, economics, and civil liberties."—Question That
"... an excellent, intelligent UK political blog which includes a great deal of swearing."—Dr Aubrey Blumsohn
"I like the Devil's Kitchen. I think it's one of the best written and funniest blogs in the business."—Conservative Party Reptile
"The. Top. UK. Blogger."—My Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy
"For sheer intelligence, erudition and fun, Iain Dale's Diary, Cranmer and Devil's Kitchen are so far ahead of the rest I don't see how they can figure in a top ten. They are the Beatles, Stones and Who of the blog world; the Astair, Bogart and Marlon Brando of the blog world; the Gerswin, Porter and Novello of the blog world; the Dot Cotton, Pat Butcher, Bette Lynch of the blog world..."—Wrinkled Weasel
"It's the blogging equivalent of someone eating Ostrich Vindaloo, washed down by ten bottles of Jamaican hot pepper sauce and then proceeding to breathe very close to your face while talking about how lovely our politicians are... But there's much more to his writing than four letter words."—Tom Tyler
"God bless the Devil's Kitchen... Colourful as his invective is, I cannot fault his accuracy."—Tom Paine
"The Devil's Kitchen is a life-affirming, life-enhancing blog ... This particular post will also lead you to some of the best soldiers in the army of swearbloggers of which he is Field Marshal."—The Last Ditch
"... underneath all the ranting and swearing [DK]'s a very intelligent and thoughtful writer whom many people ... take seriously, despite disagreeing with much of what he says."—Not Saussure
"... the most foul-mouthed of bloggers, Devils Kitchen, was always likely to provoke (sometimes disgust, but more often admiration)."—The Times Online
"The always entertaining Mr Devil's Kitchen..."—The Times's Comment Central
"Frankly, this is ranting of the very highest calibre."—The Nameless Libertarian
"I don't mean it literally, or even metaphorically. I just find that his atheism aside, I agree with everything the Devil (of Kitchen fame...) says. I particularly enjoy his well crafted and sharp swearing, especially when addressed at self righteous lefties..."—The Tin Drummer
"Spot on accurate and delightful in its simplicity, Devil's Kitchen is one of the reasons that we're not ready to write off EUroweenie-land just yet. At least not until we get done evacuating the ones with brains."—Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
"This hugely entertaining, articulate, witty Scottish commentator is also one of the most foul-mouthed bloggers around. Gird up your loins and have a look. Essential reading."—Doctor Crippen
"The Devil's Kitchen is one of the foremost blogs in the UK. The DK is bawdy, foul-mouthed, tasteless, vulgar, offensive and frequently goes beyond all boundaries of taste and decency. So why on earth does Dr Crippen read the DK? Because he reduces me to a state of quivering, helpless laughter."—Doctor Crippen's Grand Rounds
"DK is a take-no-prisoners sort of libertarian. His blog is renowned for its propensity for foul-mouthed invective, which can be both amusing and tiresome by turns. Nevertheless, he is usually lucid, often scintillating and sometimes illuminating."—Dr Syn
"If you enjoy a superior anti-Left rant, albeit one with a heavy dash of cursing, you could do worse than visit the Devil's Kitchen. The Devil is an astute observer of the evils of NuLabour, that's for sure. I for one stand converted to the Devil and all his works."—Istanbul Tory
"... a sick individual."—Peter Briffa
"This fellow is sharp as a tack, funny as hell, and—when something pisses him off—meaner than a badger with a case of the bullhead clap."—Green Hell
"Foul-mouthed eloquence of the highest standard. In bad taste, offensive, immoderate and slanderous. F***ing brilliant!—Guest, No2ID Forum
"a powerfully written right-of-center blog..."—Mangan's Miscellany
"I tend to enjoy Devil's Kitchen not only because I disagree with him quite a lot of the time but because I actually have to use my brain to articulate why."—Rhetorically Speaking
"This blog is currently slamming. Politics certainly ain't all my own. But style and prose is tight, fierce, provocative. And funny. OK, I am a child—swear words still crack a laugh."—Qwan
"hedonistic, abrasive but usually good-natured..."—The G-Gnome
"10,000 words per hour blogging output... prolific or obsessive compulsive I have yet to decide..."—Europhobia
"a more favoured blog from the sensible Right..."—Great Britain...
"Devils Kitchen, a right thinking man indeed..."—EU Serf
"an excellent blog..."—Rottweiler Puppy
"Anyone can cuss. But to curse in an imaginative fashion takes work."—Liftport Staff Blog
"The Devil's Kitchen: really very funny political blog."—Ink & Incapability
"I've been laffing fit to burst at the unashamed sweariness of the Devil's Kitchen ~ certainly my favourite place recently."—SoupDragon
"You can't beat the writing and general I-may-not-know-about-being-polite-but-I-know-what-I-like attitude."—SoupDragon
"Best. Fisking. Ever. I'm still laughing."—LC Wes, Imperial Mohel
"Art."—Bob
"It made me laugh out loud, and laugh so hard—and I don't even get all the references... I hope his politics don't offend you, but he is very funny."—Furious, WoT Forum
"DK himself is unashamedly right-wing, vitriolic and foul mouthed, liberally scattering his posts with four-letter-words... Not to be read if you're easily offended, but highly entertaining and very much tongue in cheek..."—Everything Is Electric
"This blog is absolutely wasted here and should be on the front page of one of the broadsheets..."—Commenter at The Kitchen
"[This Labour government] is the most mendacious, dishonest, endemically corrupt, power-hungry, incompetent, illiberal fucking shower of shits that has ruled this country..."—DK