Thursday, February 14, 2008

Love EU

As Trixy has found, some people in the EU have far too much time on their hands.
The busy little bees in the European Parliament website have been excelling themselves finding new bits of flannel to put on. Today they have gone for the theme of Love. And even with this topic, this chemical imbalance, they have managed to find the time for legislation...
  1. If there was a European Charter for Love, what should be in it?

    Genowefa Grabowska (PES, PL): There should be no age limit...nor should it contain any sanctions. It has to be based on persuasion and faith...Maybe the Slovenian presidency could introduce a Charter of Love.

    Katalin Lévai (PES, HU), author of the bestseller "Pillow-book": Mutual understanding and respect. Love is not only about sensual pleasures, but it is also about a spiritual and intellectual togetherness, otherwise desire dwindles away.

    Frédérique Ries (ALDE, BE): Please, no charter! Love is allergic to paragraphs and annexes.

    Zita Pleštinská (EPP-ED, SK): Love never fails. If we managed to put this idea into practise, the world would become much nicer. Then the Charter could replace many EP resolutions.

    Henrik Lax (ALDE, FI): Live with your loved one as if every day you are together could be your last.

    Christofer Fjellner (EPP-ED, SV): Love should not be bound by any borders; any more than goods, services, capital or people.

There's more, but I have already vomited up my morning screwdriver and I have no wish to waste more good alcohol.

But in response to the question as to what would be in the EU Charter of Love, I can answer that it would be full of immensely petty rules harmonising the duration of sex, laws about maximum cock curvature and regulations about the minimum number of meaningless platitudes that couples were allowed lovingly to declare over breakfast.

In short, any EU Charter of Love would attempt to codify and regulate love and sex until they meant absolutely fuck all anymore.

Big Brother

Suffice to say that it surely cannot be long before the European Union sets up Miniluv and the only person that we will be allowed to love will be Big Brother...


The Tin Drummer said...

"...laws about maximum cock curvature..."

Needless to say, this would be enforced by EU inspectors who would have the powers to arrest anyone "on the job" if their cock were found to be exceeding these limits. You could train a whole bunch of them; given the amount of sex in the UK I suggest that one inspector per consenting adult,(or whoever) would be appropriate. However, this law might be found to be discriminatory so may I suggest a female equivalent law be enacted as well? Although I'm too much of a gentleman to suggest just what this law should be.

On the other hand, DK, there'd be targets for sexual activity - so it couldn't be all bad. I'd be able to woo the girls with "I'm going to miss my EU target if you don't sleep with me". Well, it can't be any worse than my usual chat up lines.

Trixy said...

I'm sure someone has used that line on me...

Anonymous said...

If there's targets involved then you can bet a raft of executive non-jobs needs to be created.

Anonymous said...

Was say some...thing! mist..over eyes!..sphincter tightening...left eardrum bursts, blood`n steam over screen...can`t see keybo