Sunday, December 16, 2007

Weep, you little bitch: weep!

Secretary General: "I've heard of the Flying Dutchman, but the Crying Dutchman...? Grow up, you little bitch. Oh, yeah, that's right, you're my bitch. You're like a little child and you know what we do to little children in the UN..."

Thanks to commenter verity, general hilarity has ensued in The Kitchen, as a Dutch climate change myth negotiator finds that people not agreeing with him takes an emotional toll. Hey—I can sympathise, but at least I'm right...
He is known as the "hard man" of climate-change negotiation.

But after 12 exhausting days of trying to reach a worldwide agreement on reducing greenhouse gas emissions, it was suddenly all too much for Yvo de Boer.

As the 200-nation Bali conference wrangled over a minor procedural matter, the Dutch diplomat in charge of the talks burst into tears and had to be led away by colleagues.

Who would have thought that a diplomat would get "tired and emotional", eh?
Moments earlier, Mr de Boer had been warning delegates that failure to reach an agreement on global warming could "plunge the world into conflict".

Seems to me that there' sbeen quite enough conflict in Bali but, thanks to our taxes (which are paid for by our carbon-producing business activities), you guys are getting an all expenses paid holiday in the sun. So fuck you, frankly.

Come to think of it, here's a way that we could reduce carbon emissions: if we had to pay far less in taxes, we wouldn't have to work so hard to make a living. And if we didn't have to wrok so hard, we wouldn't need such a lot of carbon-producing industry.

So, the logical conclusion is that we should sack as many state employees and parasitic politicians as possible in order to save the planet! Yay!

In the meantime, I hear that Mr de Boer is doing very nicely and the valium has really kicked in now, thanks. No, we're keeping him strapped to the bed right now, but we're confident that he will be ready to go home very soon...

6 comments:

verity said...

Yes, I saw the photo of him in his floral tropical shirt with his head in his hands and also diagosed "tired and emotional". The Japanese, or Korean, man sitting next to him seems to have reached the same conclusion, given his expression.

Machiavelli's Understudy said...

It says it all that these people are dressed for a jolly, at our expense.

They don't even hide their shame anymore...

Anonymous said...

Sorry to be boring DK but any luck on finding out who it is exactly that sits on the IPPC?

Devil's Kitchen said...

Anon,

Sorry, meant to get onto this sooner. There seem to be a number of strands to it, but most of the info is here...

DK

Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha Oh my God it's acronym city out there. I notice lots of pictures of mingers making up their secretariat (where have I heard that phrase before?) who look more like social workers (which is probably what they are) and is probably good as it just seems to be easier at every stage to knock down these idiots. Thanks for that DK it's a start but I'm kinda thinking that this organisation likes to keep it's members as inconspicuous as possible. Most kosher organisations would proudly display the make up of those who worked for it up front but this one seems to be a little more sinister or at least secretive in it's makeup.

Shug Niggurath said...

Although it was quite funny to see the idiot in tears - after I actually realised that this was one of the overseers of that entire fucking Bali con I had to ask why someone so spectacularly unable to do that job was unable to.

And he's now becoming a cult hero to the green mob because he 'cares so much'.