Monday, December 03, 2007

The Horror Of Breakfast With The BBC

We all have our crosses to bear, and my bane in life is the BBC, so much so I even started blogging about it at BBC Biased just to ease my tortured mental state.

Like a character in some gothic horror fiction, you know you can never escape the clutches of the ‘fear’, so likewise everywhere I go it’s everywhere, in Dixon’s or some banal catchphrase from Little Britain doing the rounds in the office ,or some crappy football analogy in the pub. In fact we all pay for this dire drivel of unwholesome noises and dark mutterings that spouts from our ‘Premier Public Service Broadcaster’.

“Did you watch East Enders last night Kel?” screams Sharon at the checkouts in between the “I done twenty pints last night and got off with Gaz” and “Rach is up the duff again” stories.You get the picture.

So when Devil’s Kitchen offered me a chance to release these inner daemons with their seductive, sexy prose, like an inmate in Arkham Asylum I took a chance and said why not!

Little did I realise that the BBC, like some dark cosmic horror, had something very special in store for me this morning.

It isn’t often I watch Breakfast TV, but this morning I caught hold of a glimpse of the mind numbing Breakfast on the Brown Broadcasting Corporation morning schedule.

It use to be so simple, news and sport with a little bit of banter regarding the days events, keeping the British Public informed and up to date on all the current events. It’s a style that seems to work on other news channels across the globe.

Not so with BBC Breakfast.

Apart from a brief ‘round-up’ of the ‘news’ of the day, and I mean as brief as possible so you haven’t a clue what the ‘news' was, we then get on to such ‘weighty’ subjects such as Chris, Carol, and a bicycle made for two , the ‘fact’ that the Firefighter's rap is on-message , Breakfast with the Prime Minister (snot sandwich anybody or would you prefer ear wax?), Fashion and the flood victims when they help their do-gooding mates out in free promotion, which seems to be every ten minutes and Team-building the Breakfast way.

So forget the what is going on in Iraq or the misfits in Government, its a light weight breakfast full of puff pieces and non-starter stories, topped with the sickly presenting skills of Dermot Murnaghan , Kate Silverton , Bill Turnbull and Sian Williams

Dermot says "he's discovered it's like no other programme he's ever worked on".Indeed it must be strange working for a 'news and current affairs programme' that has almost no news in it!

No wonder the United Kingdom is becoming the most politically backward nation in Europe with the ‘steady diet of nothing’ that makes up 95% of BBC output.

Not content with that, then there is the nauseating plug’s for other BBC shows that is the staple diet for this waste of time and effort. Today's featured plugs where for Top Gear linked in with Lewis Hamilton's drive in last night in the “reasonable priced car paid by the mugs that fork out for the telly tax” ,while at the same time plugging another BBC ‘brand’, Sports Personality of the Year, then its followed by another bout of the horrible Strictly Come Dancing which seems to be a daily feature of BBC Breakfast, and finally the almost ‘Lovecraftian horror’ that is Spooks .

Indeed the master of cosmic horror Howard Phillips Lovecraft couldn’t come up with anything comparable to the eldritch, noisome, cyclopean terror that is Breakfast. In fact I rather drill out my eyeballs than sit through three hours of this madness.

It seems that the grasping Al Beeb isn’t content with the daylight robbery that is the £135.50 fraud called the Licence Fee now that ‘product placement’ is the 'big thing' in Minitruth, which is of course against the Charter, is why this heap of steaming manure called ‘Morning News’ is allowed to continue. It is enough to drive anybody to appear on the Jeremy Kyle Show

It’s bad enough that we get those highly expensive and awful adverts telling us about the latest goings on in Albert Square or other atrocities that the BBC feels fit to call ‘entertainment’, but now it is beyond even a Mark Steele ‘joke’.

Still as long as their pals in the House Of Cad’s get free tickets to Glasto to the tune of £68,000, then no wonder they get away with this.

So forget 'Hostel' or 'Saw' I dare ANYBODY to sit from 6:00 to 9:15 am watching this lunacy and remain sane long enough.......


chris said...


Anonymous said...

So don't pay your licence fee. The inspectors have no right of entry, so all you have to do is ignore the flurry of letters that may result from failing to revnew your licence.

cygnet said...

*Not content with that, then there is the nauseating plug’s for other BBC shows that is the staple diet for this waste of time and effort.*

Sorry to be boring but apostropes are used to deonote a missing letter or to denote possession. Quite simple really.

They are not used to denote the plural!

Machiavelli's Understudy said...

I was with you right up until the sleight against Top Gear.

Bill said...

Much better to listen to Radio3; the brief hourly bulletin there gives all the salient news and you have the advantage of listening to a variety of good music. There is more solid news on Sky than on Breakfast, a very sad commentary when the BBC's mainstream news broadcasts used to be pretty good for basic relatively unbiased news. Now most of the output on BBC1 is just like a press-release for the latest government propaganda wheeze or endless plugging of upcoming programmes - I buy the Radio Times if I want to know what's on and what's going to be on 'Panorama' that evening is certainly not worthy of being included in a news bulletin.

fewqwer said...

anonymous: "... all you have to do is ignore the flurry of letters ..."

It's not quite that easy - you have to be sure they cannot gather enough evidence for a conviction from outside your home, which is a problem for people who have TVs in rooms at the font of the house, where they can easily been seen or heard from outside.

Rob said...

it's either the Breakfast, GMTV or the Hoobs. Not much of a choice at quater to seven.

FlipC said...

@Rob - At least the Hoobs are educational.

I was impressed this morning (4/12) with BBC Breakfast's report on revitalising old rail-lines. The teaser had a reporter in Bristol pointing out IKB's forgotten swing bridge and how lottery money was being looked for to fund these projects - more at 7:50.

Approaching 7:50 and we get the weather, then Declan and the business news, 7:55 back to Bristol where the reporter pointed out IKB's forgotten swing bridge and said how lottery money was being looked for to fund these projects.

Yep a report only slightly longer then the teaser and containing pretty much the same information; money well spent.

Roger Thornhill said...

BBC Breakfast is so horridly biased and fluffy. The presenters would not be able to nail a politician should something big break. For me, this is what we need from our Anchors on a morning show: to follow up the knee in the Groin from Paxo the night before with a boot up the arse if need be.

Appearing on BBC Breakfast is the proverbial mauling by a dead sheep. If it is pap you are after = GMTV.

John Trenchard said...

best news i've seen in the morning is EuroNews. why?

because it's just that. the news.
no big ego "presenters". just lots of short clips from around Europe about whats going on in each country.

it doesnt appear to be overtly pro-EU, but rather focuses on local news stories from across the continent. quite an interesting watch at 7.30 in the morning.

unfortunately - its only on cable and satellite. but i'd swap it for the brain dead zombie horror of BBC breakfast no-news anyday.

i wish the bbc (and for that matter GMTV) would get this into their tiny brains - in the morning i just want a news blast. short half hour. 30 seconds/1 minute each. quick blast of news from around the world. no commentary. no fluff. no fucking around. thank you.

Arthurian Legend said...

I like Top Gear and Spooks. The rest can go hang.

FlipC said...

Comparing BBC Breakfast and GMTV (a shuddersome concept I know) I find it interesting to note that politicians seem to prefer the sofa of GMTV and then appear via video link-up on BBC rather then the other way around - better tea and biscuits in the GMTV green room perhaps?