Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Great fat Britain

When ripping Dawn Primarolo a new arsehole, I asked this question:
What are you going to do: start limiting how much vino or Victory gin we are allowed to buy at any one time? Start controlling what food I can eat?

So thank you to the email commenter who pointed out that that is precisely what this bunch of arse-bastards want to do.
Obesity 'not individuals' fault'

Individuals can no longer be held responsible for obesity and government must act to stop Britain "sleepwalking" into a crisis, a report has concluded.

The largest ever UK study into obesity, backed by government and compiled by 250 experts, said excess weight was now the norm in our "obesogenic" society.

Dramatic and comprehensive action was required to stop the majority of us becoming obese by 2050, they said.

But the authors admitted proof that any anti-obesity policy worked "was scant".

What the... I mean... I... WHAT THE FUCK? This is wrong on so many fucking levels.

First off, I am thirty and I know quite a few people. I know two—two—people who might just possibly be described as obese. Where the authors of this study only studying politicians? The Fatty Soames Lunch Club? Where are all these fucking obese people?

And don't tell me that they are all in poor areas: I live in fucking Brixton and, whilst a few of the people I see might be described as slightly overweight, the vast majority are perfectly slim. So where the fuck are all these fat bastards?

But that is not the worst part of this report.
Obesity, the authors concluded, was an inevitable consequence of a society in which energy-dense and cheap foods, labour-saving devices, motorised transport and sedentary work were rife.

Dr Susan Jebb of the Medical Research Council said that in this environment, it was surprising that anyone was able to remain thin, and so the notion of obesity simply being a product of personal over-indulgence had to be abandoned for good.

"The stress has been on the individual choosing a healthier lifestyle, but that simply isn't enough," she said.

Fuck you, Susan Jebb (has she got good jebbs, we wonder?) and your piece of shit report. How do people remain thin? It's easy: you eat no more than you burn: people generally do not need two big meals a day. It's very simple really: if you eat more calories than you burn, you will get fat. It's not a difficult concept.

And the idea that people are not responsible for their own food intake is disgusting; have you heard of personal responsibility, you silly bitch. This is just more socialist claptrap.

STOP INFANTILISING THE POPULATION, YOU BITCH.

People are responsible for their weight, just as they are responsible for every other action that they take. The idea that the government should get involved in the very way that we eat is an unbelievable imposition: it is the most disgusting idea that I have heard since yesterday.

Needless to say, the state is contemplating, with relish, this new mandate to micro-manage the population.
Public Health Minister Dawn Primarolo said the government would be holding further consultations to decide how to proceed.

I might have known that this fucking little whore would be involved in one way or another.
She said it was too early to say whether the same "shock" approach seen in public health warnings against smoking would be adopted with obesity, or whether a tax on fatty foods, highlighted in the report but widely dismissed as unworkable, would be considered.
...

She said the main aim now was to reduce the proportion of overweight and obese children to 2000 levels by 2020.

Tell you what, Dawn; I have the solution. Abolish the Welfare State. And, in particular, abolish Child Benefits. Your government has consistently raised Child Benefits and one could suggest a correlation between that and fatter children.

Because, Dawn, you will find that poor people get really thin really quickly, by virtue of not being able to afford to eat. I myself, a six foot man, dropped to just above eight stone at one point. Try having no money, Dawn; it works wonders for your figure.

As a side benefit, I think that you will find that the number of unemployed people drops massively and that we no longer need immigrants to do all of those shitty low paid jobs. Bonus!

But what you should not be doing, you thrice-cursed shit-bag hag, is telling people that the fact that they are fat cunts is not their fault: it is their fault and, if they are indeed costing the state money (and when you guys work out how much that is, rather than simply pulling a figure out of your collective arse), then the easiest way is to make them pay for it.

And the best way to do that is to ensure that people know that healthcare is not "free"; so, let's move to a proper private insurance-based system of health funding. And then fat fucks can pay higher premiums than people who don't stuff themselves with cakes and biscuits whilst sitting on their obese arses watching Jeremy Kyle (whoever he is).

But in the meantime, it is none of your fucking business what we eat, you dozy cunt.

Why don't you fascist fuckers fuck off?

UPDATE: Mr Eugenides has altered a few words of the Beeb's report to, as he puts it, "make a crushingly unsubtle point".
Rape "not rapists' fault"

Individuals can no longer be held responsible for rape and government must act to stop Britain "sleepwalking" into a crisis, a report has concluded.

The largest ever UK study into rape, backed by government and compiled by 250 experts, said attacks on women were now the norm in our "rapinogenic" society.

Rape, the authors concluded, was an inevitable consequence of a society in which dense and cheap women, easy availability of alcohol, pencil skirts and female emancipation were rife.

Dr Susan Jebb of the Rape Research Council said that in this environment, it was surprising that anyone was able to keep their dick in their trousers, and so the notion of rape simply being a product of violent scumbags had to be abandoned for good.

"The stress has been on the individual rapist choosing a less confrontational lifestyle, but that simply isn't enough," she said.

Yes, that seems perfectly reasonable to me.

10 comments:

Wrinkled Weasel said...

The doughnut didn't have a government health warning on it, so how was I to know?

Actually I am not fat, and I despise fat people because they are just dying to be told it's not their fault. Of course it's their fault they are fat bastards. It's because they have an unhealthy lifestyle and they cannot say no, which in some fat women is not as bad as it could be.

I also hate being told what to do in every little aspect of our lives. Why doesn't the government just fuck off and leave us alone? Do something, Mr Devil.

Ed said...

The fatties are generally in Labour speaking Northern constituencies, so this is a pure support-shorer.

Kirsty said...

Crikey, and here was me thinking that I'm managed to fit into a pair of skinny fit jeans because I'm now running about 10 miles a week. What nonsense there is in my pretty wee head. It's the pixies or the fairies or the government that's made me lose weight.

Tossers.

Speaking of which, I read this article in Third Sector News (yes, that's just as exciting as it sounds) and thought you'd enjoy it (http://www.thirdsector.co.uk):

"Delegates at the Labour and Tory party conferences revealed embarrassing gaps in their knowledge when they completed a condom quiz organised by Aids charity the Terrence Higgins Trust.

A significant number of the 300 Labour supporters and 200 Conservatives who took part in the questionnaire did not know how to put a condom on. Many incorrectly thought wearing more than one condom at a time was safer.

"A third of those who took part at the Labour conference got 10 out of 10, but those who got it wrong, got it really wrong," said Genevieve Clark, director of communications at the trust. "At the Conservative conference, fewer got all the questions right, but they mostly scored well overall.

"The sex education of many MPs is shaky, but we want them to make sure things improve for future generations.""

I'm not really keen on having my diet decided by someone who can't work out how to put on a rubber johnny.

Falco said...

Stupid cunts, they ban smoking and then get surprised that people are fat. Clearly this is the law of unintended consequences in action.

This does give me an idea though, enough hysteria about being fat and they might make smoking compulsory.

Roger Thornhill said...

Sociofascists are the ones addicted - addicted to interfering in our lives.

They are utter scum - FOAD!

Mark Wadsworth said...

Before you rip her a new arsehole, would you mind waxing her upper lip?

"Aaaargh, it's so cold! So cold!" she will cry.

countdruncula said...

"But what you should not be doing, you thrice-cursed shit-bag hag, is telling people that the fact that they are fat cunts is not their fault" it is their fault and, if they are indeed costing the state money (and when you guys work out how much that is, rather than simply pulling a figure out of your collective arse), then the easiest way is to make them pay for it."

Well, of course. It's worked wonders across the pond, no reason it shouldn't do the same here. ;-)

"And the best way to do that is to ensure that people know that healthcare is not "free"; so, let's move to a proper private insurance-based system of health funding. And then fat fucks can pay higher premiums than people who don't stuff themselves with cakes and biscuits whilst sitting on their obese arses watching Jeremy Kyle (whoever he is)."

Dunno about you, DK, but I drink rather more than I should, and scoff praps less green veg and home cooked meals than is advisable (it's hard not to eat out in Whitechapel when you are treated to Eastern aromas emanating from every house you pass on the way home from the coal face). That said, I am as yet in reasonable shape by virtue of fortunate genes. That's not to say that my arteries aren't completely clogged and that my liver isn't about to pack up, though, and I for one am quite pleased that there is _some_ sort of safety net for people who fuck up.

I was brought up in Zimbabwe. Before you start a left v. right wing tirade (yes, muggins is a steaming cunt, but more of a political opportunist than a real socialist), let me tell you an anecdote.

I got to work one morning and the foreman of the factory told me there had been an accident and that one of our workers who had been dicking around on the wheel of a tractor had fallen off and knocked his head on the following dolly train. When I got to the hospital, he wasn't in intensive care as you'd expect, but huddled in a corridor with a part of his skull bashed right out of his head and bits of his brain poking out of the top. They'd given him some aspirin and a blanket. We rushed him to a private hospital, but it was too late to save him.

Now, you may think this indicative of all the evils of a "socialist" state, but to my mind this tragedy illustrates what happens when there is no basic minimum of responsibility for health on the behalf of the state. Had there been a private healthcare scheme, I doubt very much that this blighted fellow would've signed up. Who doesn't have a punt at their own invincibilty when they could put that money to "better use", believing that the need will never arise? Sure it's foolhardy, but many of us do exactly this. Look at the state of dentistry in this country, it's fucking scandalous. We all know that we really ought to put aside for that fucked tooth in the future, but hardly anyone who actually will need to do so does. Why? Lack of expendable income. All fine and good for the well off who can take a 400 quid knock but a nasty fucking shock for those who cannot.

To my mind public health care is a good thing. It's opportunistic harpies like Primarolo who give it a bad name with their fucking busybody lecturing and half baked bullshit about how we should live. She's a smug cunt and make no mistake.

Vicola said...

Right, so the twats have taken the smokers out of the stocks so they can put the people who like a glass of chablis with dinner in. Once they've finished throwing old veg at them, or perhaps made them all stand outside in the butt-freezing weather to drink their chablis, they'll be putting the fat bastards in. Oh, not they won't, because being a fat bastard is society's fault isn't it? Like being a scrotum-dwelling chav fucktard, a thief or someone who steals car radios to fund their smack habit. No, it's not the fault of the person who consumed far more calories than they burned.

I've never heard so much utter shite in my life. If the powers that be don't have anything sensible to say then why can't they shut the fuck up?

Shug Niggurath said...

I guess we'll be heading to the town centres in the mornings before work to do our star jumps then?

Katy Newton said...

Hang on just a minute.

How do people remain thin? It's easy: you eat no more than you burn: people generally do not need two big meals a day. It's very simple really: if you eat more calories than you burn, you will get fat. It's not a difficult concept.

It is not "easy" to be thin for everyone, as is clear from the fact that, despite overwhelming pressure to be thin, and the public contempt directed at people who are fat, not everyone is thin. Who on earth would be fat if it was easy not to be? Use your brains, people. All fat people know that if they ate less they would lose weight. This is because being fat is not the same as being stupid.

The problem is that - for whatever reason - they can't. I'm one of them. I struggle with my weight constantly. The only way I can control it is by constantly and consciously policing what I eat. If I don't do that, I gain weight.

You know what I didn't find hard? Giving up smoking. I decided I didn't want to anymore and I stopped. Never bought another pack, never cadged another cigarette, never even wistfully inhaled second hand smoke. It's a cinch. All you have to do is not buy any cigarettes and not ask anyone for them. What's your fucking problem, smokers? It's easy to give up smoking. What are you, a bunch of fuckwits?

Same goes for alcohol. I have no problem stopping after one glass or indeed none. How I sneer at people who want more than that even though it makes them drunk, stupid, desperately ill or even - gasp - fat. What's your fucking problem, alcoholics? It's easy to stop drinking. You just don't drink alcohol. Twats.

I do agree that everyone has to take responsibility for themselves, but saying that because you personally don't feel the need to overeat means that everyone should find it easy not to is just ridiculous.