10 people...

... that I would like to hit in the mouth with a brick, was a meme I first noticed at Jackart's: now the poor little Greek boy has nominated The Snob and your humble Devil.

However, unlike my colleagues in what one blogger (though I can't remember who) once called "the Scottish swearblogging triumvirate", there is simply no way that I am exempting any members of this fucking NuLabour government. I have, however, had to write out people who are dead—like Ted Heath, for example, whose corpse I would like to violate in ways never before thought of.

I loathe so very many people that it has been quite a task whittling the list down to a mere ten, but every single one of the following has worked hard to deserve their place on this list.

10. First up is Alison Goulding. Well, not Alison Goulding as such, more the kind of people that she represents: the scrounging, feckless, lazy, selfish bastards who refuse to take responsibility for their own actions and who infest this country like the fucking awful parasites that they are.

9. Hazel Blears [See this Carnival of the Chipmunk-kicking]. She is an evil fucking dwarf, with an irritating voice and a curiously alien face. This last would be much improved by a good bricking.

8. Patsy Hewitt [See this extensive and detailed DK rant. Oh, there's another. And another.]. She is still out there, people, being patronising somewhere: she must die.

7. Charles Clarke [See these three rants about the fat cunt]. Authoritarian, fat, ugly and with massive jug-handle ears, Charles Clarke has to be one of the single most unpleasant people on the planet. And he's still alive and is thus a candidate for a fucking good kicking, using shoes with bricks tied to the bottom of them.

6. Ruth Kelly [DK opinion here]. The voice, that awful, annoying voice. And the hypocrisy. And the belief in the sky-fairy. Just an awful, horrible woman. I shall tear out her vocal chords before beating her to death with an especially scabby brick.

5. Jose Manuel Barroso. The grinning, formerly Communist, president of the EU Commission is not only a total fucking cunt, but he is also a serious threat to our country. So, let's beat The Tin-Pot Emperor to death with special, harmonised Euro-bricks.

4. Al Gore, Nobel Peace Prize Winner and liar par excellence. I have written about 80 billion words on the massive untruths that he peddles, there seems little point in articulating my absolute fucking hatred for his. But it is enough to say that he—and his evil little homulculus, Stern—have already provided our totalitarian politicans with an excuse to impose myriad curbs to our freedoms, and there will be many more. Their obfuscations and lies will cause the reckless spending of billions of dollars and the needless deaths of the poorest in the world.

3. Gordon Brown, the Gobblin' King, the One-Eyed King Cunt in the land of the blind. He is not only an evil little fuck, but an incompetent fuckwit: his most egregious act is his cynical shafting of the poorest in our society. He is a very real and present cunt.

2. Polly Toynbee. Polly. Toynbee. Polly. Fucking. Gordon Toynbee. Oh my dear fucking christ, how can I possibly articulate how much I absolutely, totally, utterly loathe this woman? Well, I can't; not in a brief paragraph like this, which is why I linked to some of my earlier and more prolix efforts. But, trust me, I loathe her.
   
   Some people might think that, as she is only a Grauniad commentator rather than a politician with direct power, she should not be so high in the rankings. Unfortunately, Polly is one of the evil fucking people who allow the perpetuation of this evil socialist state that we have; not only do the politicians think that she is reflecting the will of the people, but the people think that she represents informed commentary. In many ways, she is far more powerful than most backbench politicians.
   
   Especially given her dirty dalliances with The Gobblin' King.

1. And the winner is... David "Batshit" Miliband! He is a hideous, spoddy, speccy twat whose mouth writhes across his face like a separate living (and utterly evil) alien being. Not only that, but he worships at the altars of the evil fucking demons incarnate named Gore and Barroso whilst being, at the same time, utterly ignorant of the major portfolios that he has been the curator.
   
   Miliband is an appalling person, whose latest piece of cowardice—bunnying out of his responsibilities under the pretext of adoption—is only what we expect from this four-eyed, impotent, arsehole bastard.
   
   What an utter cunt: I am sharpening the edges of my brick for this one. It's going to be sharpened bricks at one end and sharpened cockroaches at the other. The fucking, evil, fucking, creepy, fucking cunt.

Oh, finally, Bill Gates gets an honourable mention on the grounds that, every time that I have to use Windows, I want to bash myself in the mouth with a brick, in order to distract myself from the pain in my eyes and brain, as well as the paranoia which using Windows induces in me.

But I feel curiously unsatisfied now. I might have to print out the faces of the above fuckers, find some bricks and some mannequins. Alternatively, perhaps I shall console myself by nominating Prodicus and PigDogFucker...