Thursday, September 13, 2007

The English way

Rather oddly, most of the email that I get about this blog is either fanmail or useful snippets that I might want to write about (and which I usually do—eventually!). But occasionally, one gets some rather less welcome messages, like this one which is entitled interesting/boring/flood.
Feel nice and safe behind your computer screen do you you fucking keyboard warrior cunt.

Any services car park on the M6 mate, we'll see how fucking hard you are, prick.

Now, this comes from nqznqz@gmail.com, which sounds like a nonsense address to me. Flattered as I am by the fact that someone has gone to the trouble of setting up an email address simply to send me hatemail, there is a wider point to address here.

Despite my combative style, I write mainly about intellectual topics: ideas of freedom, questions of liberty, theories of science and the like. And yet this gentleman—because it will be a bloke—still thinks that the best way in which to argue through the issues that he has with my ideas or my writing is through fisticuffs.

In other words, he wants to prove his point by beating the shit out of me.

Here's the thing, bozo: you could kick the living shit out of me—kill me even—and it wouldn't make you any more right. That is why we bloggers allow you to leave comments: so that we can have an intellectual discussion.

May I suggest that you leave aside your worries about your very small penis and go and find something worthwhile to do. You know, go and read a book about philosophy or something.

Besides, you are the challenger: custom dictates that I should choose the venue.

15 comments:

Katy Newton said...

If you are reading this, nqznqz, can I just point out that you seem pretty cosy behind your anonymous email address...

Jackart said...

Or you can point him my way and I'll kick the shit out of him.

The Nameless One said...

Be fair, Katy, perhaps the gentleman is really called nqznqz. I mean, you'd probably threaten random strangers with violence if you were call nqznqz. It'd be a bummer to pronounce.

Fidothedog said...

Sounds like you have annoyed a Labour party worker, thats the sort of thing they would do.

No hang on, sorry they would make accusations of child abuse first.

knirirr said...

kill me even—and it wouldn't make you any more right

Quite so.
However, fisticuffs can be jolly good fun if both parties are interested. It's not as fashionable as it was 200 years ago, though.

custom dictates that I should choose the venue.

And, surely, the weapon?

anthonynorth said...

I suggest the weapon should be words. They end up defeating all the pathetic little low-lifes.

Kafka said...

I would suggest insults at ten paces - I think your vocabulary alone would see off nqznqz.

Tomrat247 said...

Send him up north to the little chef off the Sheffield-Leeds route; me and a couple of my less 'polite' friends (the kind with hair growing on their eyebalss) will give him a once over; of course giving him time to stretch, rest and have a bite to eat after cycling the excess once his Toyota prius ran out of battery power halfway.

JuliaM said...

"In other words, he wants to prove his point by beating the shit out of me."

But only on the M6. He/she/it obviously has a morbid fear of all other service stations....

the A&E Charge Nurse said...

Open door environments such as the egalitarian blogsphere [and even A&E come to think of it] inevitably attract a certain quotient of bed wetters.

The motorway loving, nqznqz, has clearly taken umbridge at the Devils musings [as is his right of course] - but perhaps our testosterone fuelled caveman might be persuaded to provide a brief history as to how he came to develop such a volatile phobia of "ideas" ?

Katy Newton said...

What IS this M6 shit? Who on earth would agree to undertake a 200 mile round trip for the privilege of having their nose broken in a lay-by outside Birmingham? You want to break my nose? Buy yourself a train ticket, muthaflipper, because my nose is in London. And it's STAYING there. Oh yes.

Peter Mc said...

M6: because he counted all the fingers on one hand when trying to decide which motorway pick.

Kafka said...

Strange thought last night ....

Is nqznqz related to Mr Mxyzptlk? If so, he can be rid of by getting him to say his name backwards ie zqnzqn, and then he'll pop back to the 5th dimension.

The Remittance Man said...

Knirirr is perfectly correct in stating that you have the choice of both venue and weapon. Might I suggest you choose something that is fiendishly complicated to operate? Field artilery perhaps.

For one thing, while the choice of weapon is yours, I believe that under the rules of duelling, the challenger is obliged to actually provide them. Given the tone of his missive I would surmise that Mr Wzlflk would find this a challenge.

And even if he could lay his hands upon a brace of 25 pounders, he strikes me as the sort who would be challenged by anything more complex that an iron bar. Of course leveraging such an unfair advantage would technically be contrary to the rules of duelling, but I doubt Wzlflk is acqquainted with them and ignorance (with which he appears to unnaturally blessed) is no defence after all.

Keatonmask said...

Poor chap,

Woefully small genitalia and an inability to form a coherent argument have obviously enraged him somewhat.

Still...that kind of email is a fucking liberty when sent anonymously. Living adjacent to Jackart, I will second his request...send him our way.