Alas, I would be wrong.
They may look easy enough, but the recipes of Nigella Lawson and Delia Smith are actually very tricky to follow, a Government study has found.
Fuck me! How tricky, exactly? And in what way: I mean, there are some strange pro-cooking terms that I might not be able to understand without the aid of some glossary, but is this the case? Er...
The long sentences, complex measurements and complicated words mean aspiring chefs must be equipped with GCSE standard reading and numeracy skills in order to understand them.
Yes, I can see how—thanks to the state's fucking pathetic attempts to educate our children—many of our young people might have a problem getting up to GCSE standards of reading.
According to the research, Gordon Ramsay's language is so easy to read that his cooking methods could be followed by a seven-year-old.
Right. So, whilst the Department of Innovation, Universities and Skills might think that this is a good thing, I can see the possibility of the Department of Health and Safety leaping in to condemn Ramsey for writing a book that might encourage young children to play with pans of boiling water.
Up to half of Smith's recipes and three in seven of Lawson's were too difficult for someone to understand if they did not have GCSE standard reading and numeracy skills.
Can I please just emphasise that every, single fucking child should be able to read and write their own fucking language to at least GCSE standard—every, single one of them. It's a fucking disgrace that we are churning out kids incapable of reading to the not very demanding levels of GCSE.
I can't help thinking that we gave the Secretary of State for Education a lemon-juice infused paper-cut for every child who left school without a C or above in GCSE English, we might see some more fucking results. That's if the cunt didn't die from loss of blood. For fuck's sake.
Do go and read more over at The Reptile's: I think that I may have lost the will to live.