Boris the jester, toff, serial liar and sociopath for mayor
"Jester"? Good, I want some fun injected back into politics. Right now, the entire scene is dominated by humourless cunts like Toynbee, frustrated that history keeps on showing us that her desired socialist utopia is nothing more than a murder-machine.
"Toff"? Or do you mean, "educated, intelligent and successful"? Surely, Polly, you can't denigrate one of your own with this "toff" epithet? You are more of a toff than Boris; the difference is that you rail against your class, attempting to stop anyone having the privileges that you had, whilst acting in precisely the same way that you always have. You revolting woman.
"Serial liar"? For Polly Toynbee, serial manipulator of facts and statistics—or "liar" as we prefer to call her—to accuse someone else of this trait shows a severe lack of self-knowledge. But, Polly doesn't even need self-knowledge: one blogger devoted eight months to documenting every lie that she wrote; all Polly has to do is to read it. Or, of course, she could just shut the fuck up, stop writing and hang herself in shame. Only, shame has never been one of Polly's strong points now, has it?
And "sociopath"? Here's Wikipedia's definition:
Sociopaths, on the other hand, have relatively normal temperaments; their personality disorder being more an effect of negative sociological factors like parental neglect, delinquent peers, poverty, and extremely low or extremely high intelligence.
Is that a medical diagnosis, Polly? Are you concealing some medical degree up your sleeve? I severely doubt it, as no one as thick as you could possibly have done anything other than buy their degree.
It would be as much a disaster for Cameron's Tories as for Londoners if this buffoon got to run the great global city
Yeah, well, the thing is, Polly, that we classical liberals explicitly do not think that things need to be run: we tend to believe that people will run their own lives just fine, given half a chance.
Only fucking hideous socialist control freaks like yourself could ever possibly think that everything needs to be run. And we all know where your "running" of things get us, don't we, Polly? It gets us to "all animals are equal but some are more equal than others"; it gets us to "he who controls the past controls the present, and he who controls the present controls the future"; it gets us to dissidents and gulags, to undesirables and and concentration camps, to mega-deaths and misery.
David Cameron has just made his worst mistake. He will bitterly regret the day he encouraged Boris Johnson to stand as London's mayor. What does it say about the desperate state of the Conservatives that they will put up a clown to run a great global city?
Better a clown than jolly old Uncle Joe. Or you, you silly bitch.
London is the nation's powerhouse, and a city of daunting complexity. Tories running top City firms and Conservative boroughs won't find the Boris Johnson candidacy charmingly funny.
Well, surely you would approve, Pol? After all, aren't you always lecturing us on how evil the City people are, with their big, bouncing bonuses and their selfishness? You should be fucking delighted, Polly.
Some may or may not agree with his rightwing views...
Yes, and isn't that the point of democracy? You know, the guy whom the majority of us agree with gets elected?
This will blow back on Cameron dangerously.
Hee hee, she said "blow"! Surely you'll be reserving that for your big Norse warrior?
No doubt the Boris bandwagon will be good circus entertainment, and his japes may be endlessly forgiven with one of his rumpled "Cripes!" apologies. But everything foppish, buffoonish and essentially unserious about his raffish progress through London will mirror exactly what people already think about Cameron and Osborne's Etonocracy. Everything they are trying to shake off will be writ large as Boris represents the Cameroons. They are struggling for gravitas but Boris will strip it away from them.
Good. Everyone takes themselves a little too seriously in politics. Especially you, you no-nothing, worthless, humourless, hypocritical sack of shit.
Of course if a monkey can be elected mayor of Hartlepool...
A Labour heartland...
... Boris Johnson might be elected mayor of London. Jester, toff, self-absorbed sociopath and serial liar, the man could still win. Even Conrad Black called him "a duplicitous scoundrel", and he should know. But it's truly alarming that he who has never run anything except his own image...
He has run nothing apart from being an immensely successful editor of The Spectator, the biggest political weekly magazine (and he did it far better than that fat fool, D'Ancona). Which, Polly, is rather more than you have done.
... could be in charge of this mighty financial centre - and some of the poorest, neediest boroughs in the country.
But, Pol, surely you'd be happy to see the financial centre ruined? You keep on banging on about how your delicious NuLabour cronies should regulate it and tax it and fuck it and blast it. Could it be that you don't mean anything that you write?
It would be good for London to have a serious contest: a third-term shoo-in for Ken Livingstone would be a miserable election. But it would be a disaster for London if a charming fool, with no interest in ordinary Londoners' lives...
You know this for sure, do you? Why does everyone assume that, if one is properly educated and doesn't speak like an East End barrow-boy, one is not interested in making everyone's lives better? Why should the screeching, preening, fascist-left have the monopoly on giving a shit?
It is merely that those of us on the right believe that the only person who can set their own goals and manage their own lives are the individuals themselves. The real elite are people like you, Polly, who believe that their education and faux fucking sympathy make them superior, and make the views of others' subservient to their own.
... were to win it as another feather in his celebrity cap. If London is competing with New York, how does Boris shape up against Bloomberg in the big league?
Who cares? I thought that you despised the US?
The danger is that politics is so despised and politicians are so loathed...
Only slightly more loathed than journalists, Polly, believe me.
... that anyone who manages to seem "not one of them" starts ahead of serious contenders.
That is because we believe that established politicians are dishonest, hypocritical and innately corrupt. And we are rarely proved wrong; indeed, your precious NuLabour has done everything in its power to cement these suspicions into certainties.
It's why women candidates start with a natural advantage, according to pollsters. Hartlepool's H'Angus, after all, wasn't even a person, let alone a politician.
And, as a CiF commenter points out, H'Angus did a rather good job and got re-elected with a larger majority. And Hartlepool hasn't become bankrupt and slipped into the sea yet.
Ladbrokes yesterday made Johnson's odds just a shade longer than Livingstone's.
I might go and have a flutter then...
But with humour and wit in short supply in politics, a little goes a long way and Johnson has a lot of both. So does Livingstone.
Aaaahahahaha! Really? Yeah, Livingstone is a fucking joke, but humour? Or are you referring to the humourous time that he hilariously pushed his pregnant girlfriend down those amazingly amusing stairs?
Or the slap-my-thigh and split-my-sides time when he told a Jewish reporter that he was like a German concentration camp guard?
Or the absolutely fucking hilarious times that he has welcomed dictators, terrorists and murderers into our fair city?
Johnson would have the old "throw the bastards out" insurgency advantage, but Livingstone has earned respect with the bravery and skill of his congestion charge, his London bus revolution and his imposition of 50% affordable housing on every development.
"Earned respect"? "Bravery and skill"? Hmmm. (I will say this though, I think that the implementation of the Oyster Card has been very well done and it is immensely useful.)
Johnson's best asset is the devoted support of London's only proper newspaper. The Evening Standard - same stable as the Daily Mail - detests Livingstone: no surprise they gave Johnson front-page and leader-column coverage...
No doubt The Grauniad will champion Livingstone, eh? After all, CiF carries three articles from Boris and twenty-two from Ken (and almost all of those are direct puff-pieces for his wonderful Mayoral policies).
... with an article by himself (all about himself, not much policy) and lavish praise from the rightwing columnist Andrew Gilligan: "Boris has come to save our great city from Ken's ghastly empire of bureaucrats, bendy buses and earnest Cuban festivals."
Gilligan is right-wing? Hardly. He's just a left-winger with taste.
The Standard's never-ending campaign against Livingstone led to a famous fracas when he likened one of its reporters to a concentration camp guard: the reporter was Jewish.
Yup, and Ken could hardly fail to know that, I am sure. For fuck's sake, he's held enough parties for the press and he does have a massively expensive press office.
But when it comes to gaffes, it'll be a no-contest win for Johnson who can't resist the temptation to be (charmingly) offensive in every column he writes and every lucrative speech he makes.
Good. This country needs some more of that; freedom is the freedom to give offence, something that the righteous left seem to have forgotten.
(He earned more than £400,000 last year in journalism and after-dinner speaking on top of his MP's salary.)
Ah, how lovely of you to tell us, Polly. And, remind me, how much did you earn last year? Come on, Polly, answer the fucking question: how much did you earn? After all, you said that we should all "throw open our books" and everyone should tell everyone else how much they earn. So, how much do you earn?
At the standard of £1 a word, the posited £140,000 from The Grauniad alone seems about right; what about all these policy groups—the Social Policy Association, for instance—and arts festivals (Brighton Arts Festival, is it?) whose boards you sit on, Pol? How much do they pay?
Can he stop himself making jokes about poodle-eating South Koreans...
The Koreans eat dogs. It's a fact. What's your problem, Pol?
... and Papuan "cannibals"?
Some Papuan tribes are cannibals: in this instance, the last recorded incident (i.e. it was Westerners who were devoured) was in 1976. Or have you not heard of Kuru, Pol?
No, but that's part of his well-honed USP as "not really a politician at all". Don't be fooled. Despite that designer shambolic demeanour, Boris is not called blond ambition for nothing, with a gargantuan appetite for everything: fame, women, money, praise - and power. There's nothing wrong with ambition; the question is: what is it for?
Well, with any luck, it is the ambition to ensure that moralising, tedious cunts, like you, leave us the fuck alone.
Underneath the whimsy and the Greyfriars pastiche prep school banter, he is a deeper and more passionately romantic believer in 19th-century Conservativism than most of his frontbench companions.
Thank fuck for that: a poltician—and a modern Tory politician at that—who actually believes in something! This is, indeed, a miracle: I didn't know that such people existed amongst our bloated, venous politicos anymore.
He is not an embarrassed Etonian, but a Bullingdon Club believer. Perhaps because he was not born to great wealth, unlike Cameron and Osborne, he revels in everything elite - intellectual, social or monied.
Well, most of us would, given the chance, Polly. We'd all like to be comfortably off and enjoy the finer things in life. The difference is that Boris gets on with it, whilst Lefty scum like you attempt to dictate what those finer things should be.
And I'll take Boris's outlook over yours any day, you self-righteous old harridan.
Jokes make outrageous views acceptable...
Well, they make 'em funny, yes.
... but the general tenor of Borisisms reveals his political cast of mind - the endless mock cockney attacks on "elf'n'safety", on children's car seats or, notoriously, Liverpudlians wallowing in their victim status.
First, Simon Heffer wrote that article, Polly; Boris, as editor of the magazine (you know, when he was running something other than his image) decided to take the responsibility (as people should) and shoulder the opprobrium himself. I think that was entirely laudable.
Oh, and the article was absolutely spot-on, as well.
He hints at utter contempt for the NHS, with USSR comparisons.
He's not the only one, Pol. Oh, by the way, do you have private health insurance? I bet you do.
Though liberal on matters of sex (what else could he be?) and drugs ("I'm instinctively inclined to liberalise"), his politics are right off the Cameron scale.
Good. I fucking loathe the Husky-hugging, massive-foreheaded cunt and his politics of the "centre-ground". We all know that you are warming to him, Polly, but like Toby Horton, UKIP's Sedgefield candidate, his Cameron's spokeman's imprecation to take you seriously was the tipping point.
Here he is on education: "I am in favour of selection ... So is every member of the British ruling classes"; and on universities: "I believe passionately in academic inequality."
As are you, Polly. Here's Boris on you.
She joins the usual Labour snarling against fee-paying education, and selective education of all kinds. In reality, of course, she is the beneficiary of a highly selective education and also sent her own offspring to one of the most expensive and competitive public schools in the country, an establishment way beyond the means of most people.
Perhaps you would like to explain to us precisely how that makes you not in favour of academic inequality? And then maybe you would like to explain why we should not call you a monstrous hypocrite?
Just before the grammar school row he complained: "We have taken away the old ladder of social mobility, the academic selection that used to form a way out for the bright children of poor families." How will London parents react to the tone of this?
Fairly well, judging by the row over... well... the grammar schools row.
"Masters of the Universe" should "endow new schools for improving the education of our feral children to reduce the risk of being despoiled of their squillions by a hoodie".
He is encouraging the maintenance of charitable schools by the very rich, Polly; this is what happened before there was state education, you know. And how could you possibly object? Surely the super-rich using their "squillions" for the benefit of the community at large can only be a good thing?
Oh, I forgot: in your twisted mind, only the state can possibly provide for the poor, eh? For you and your bigoted statist ilk, there was no safety net for the poor before 1948, was there?
As a rabid Europhobe, how would that play with the Olympics or the Tour de France?
He's not a Europhobe, Polly, you thick cunt: he is an EU-phobe, yes, but that is not the same thing. Hating the EU does not mean that you hate Europe.
And unless I am really behind the fucking times, neither the Tour de France nor the Olympics is organised by the EU. Am I wrong, Pol—have the EU taken over these events?
No, no they haven't, have they? So, his EU-phobia will have absolutely no effect on these events. Tell me, how did someone as stupid as you even manage to buy their way into journalism?
What about Boris the sociopath? Apart from being caught often lying to all and sundry - he was fired from the Times for making up a quote...
It is a great pity, Polly, that your nice Mr Rusbridger—whose pay is well in excess of Boris's, by the by—does not have the same scruples or you would have been fired many, many times over. Perhaps I should make a formal complaint to the Press Commission about your constant inability to tell the truth and submit Factchecking Pollyanna as proof?
- how has he survived the Darius Guppy scandal when he was recorded agreeing to find a journalist's contact details so old Etonian friend Guppy could have the man beaten up? How badly? Guppy suggested just a few cracked ribs. Later when Guppy was jailed for a £1.8m insurance fraud, Boris explained his role with: "Oh poor old Darry was in a bit of a hole. He was being hounded."
True, there is little that I can say about this episode, frankly. But then—as you prove twice a week, Pol—journalists are more like slime than real human beings.
Can Cameron really get through nearly a year's mayoral campaign by just laughing and saying, as he does, "Boris is Boris"? If he were to win, Cameron would be in a worse hole still.
Fuck Cameron, I couldn't give a shit about him. But, frankly, I'll Back Boris. And why?
Because Boris Johnson is what used to be called a Classical Liberal—someone who believes in personal responsibility and the state as servant of the people. Though many people might see him as a buffoon, his beliefs are what we need in this increasingly proscriptive age. I have no doubt that his liberalism, keen brain, innate decency and unashamed enjoyment of all of the fine and pleasurable things in life will ensure that he is a great asset for London.
But not only that, Boris is sorely needed in a Tory Party that seems, increasingly, to be indulging in the control freakery of their sick, socialist rivals, of which you, dear Polly, are the most egregious, stinking, hypocritical whore of an example.
UPDATE: it's the return of the Carnival of the Polly-kicking as her favourite pendant Tim Worstall lays in...
Oh yes, this is going to be absolutely marvellous. Boris running for London Mayor will be worth it purely and solely for the apoplexy it will cause in Polly Toynbee. This is going to be a very, very enjoyable year...
Prodicus also ridicules the silly cow.
Nothing could be worse than this bloody government. National? London? Take your pick. Either. Both.
They have turned the governance of Britain into a bloody circus so, all right, yes, let's have a clown. A clown with a huge brain, wit and charm (that would make a change) and the sort of political instincts which have made Britain - and especially London - the greatest trade centre in history.
And Conservative Party Reptile compares Polly's witterings about the City's reaction with that of the FT.
It's intensely personal and, as you would expect from Polly, misleading, ill-informed and disingenuous.Polly: London is the nation's powerhouse, and a city of daunting complexity. Tories running top City firms and Conservative boroughs won't find the Boris Johnson candidacy charmingly funny.FT: Business welcomed the decision by Mr Johnson to stand for the Tory candidacy to fight Ken Livingstone in next May's elections..."We want a credible competition, with a serious discussion of the issues, to test out the merits of Ken's position," Miles Templeman, director general, Institute of Directors, said.
The Spectator backs its old editor with a short but pithy statement.
In a column of intergalactic joylessness that would have had Malvolio saying "hey, lighten up a bit, Pol", she takes a hatchet to Boris, claiming that he is right-wing (wrong), a Europhobe (wrong) and a sociopath (about as wrong as you can be). All this is worth many votes for our man. Her opposition was essential to the Project and we thank her for it.
And even the Libertarian Alliance blog weighs in with a delightfully alliterative comment.
The Grauniad has made it onto this bolg! [...] Never thought I would do that, but the positively palpable plangency of Polly’s prose permits publication.
You see? Pissy Polly's popularity positively punts people to poll for Boris!
UPDATE 2: The Reactionary Snob finds himself unable to resist having a go at her too.
The only thing more predictable than Polly's response to Boris Johnson's attempt to become London's mayor was the reaction to that response from the Blogosphere. Well, I'm a predictable old sod and I hate the mendacious, lying fuckrat so I'm going to have a pop at her whilst I exclude some working class people (I'm not sure how I'll exclude them... perhaps I'll send my children to private school, erm, like Polly).
What a popular lady she is...