Thursday, August 02, 2007

Patio heaters and totalitarian fucks

The main reason that I haven't leapt on the bandwagon and started using the word "bansturbators" is because I don't like it; it's an ugly word and we don't need any more ugly words or ugly people sullying these fair isles.

Besides, let's not hide behind euphemisms; let us call a fucking illiberal, cock-sucking, fascist cunt a "fucking illiberal, cock-sucking, fascist cunt" and have done with it, eh?

So, there are a couple of stories relating to smoking that are worth flagging up because they illustrate very well the totalitarian instincts of those who rule us. The first is the story about patio heaters.
People are being told to wear jumpers instead of relying on patio heaters, in an attempt to cut carbon emissions.

The Energy Saving Trust has urged retailers to stop selling the heaters after a report suggesting their use will almost double over the next year.

Can it be long before these bansturbators—yes, I've finally used it—actually forbid retailers to sell these patio heaters?
Chief executive Philip Sellwood said: "Why don't people just wear a jumper?"

Political blogger Devil's Kitchen said: "Why don't overpaid, illiberal fuckwits like Philip Sellwood just fuck off and die?"
Mr Sellwood said: "We are calling for responsible retailers to reconsider the sale of patio heaters in light of the substantial amount of carbon emissions they produce."

Seriously, this anthropogenic global warming thing is just a massive pile of shit; just fuck off with your bastard carbon emissions, will you? Just fuck the fuck off, you fucking fuck.

And why would you try to interfere in the market, you twat? Are retailers really going to stop selling things that make them a profit? No, they aren't. How soon before you fucks propose a ban, eh?

I give it six months.
It is thought that the recently imposed smoking ban in enclosed public places in England will lead to more outdoor smoking and an increase in commercial patio heaters.

Well, d'uh! Of course it will, but that's the law of unintended consequences for you, eh? God knows, you've had enough countries to study before you introduced the ban; didn't any of you stupid cunts consider this? No, of course you didn't, because the people who rule us are too stupid to do a decent fucking job.
Mr Sellwood said: "People are also influencing the larger, more damaging commercial sector, with a third of pub-goers choosing pubs where there is a patio heater.

People like to be warm shock! For fuck's sake...
"Landlords are helping to make patio heaters desirable - which they are not."

Really? They may not be desirable to you, sunshine, but they are to everyone else. That is why people choose to go to pubs with patio heaters and that is why landlords install the patio heaters: so that they can keep their business going.

You wouldn't know anything about that though, would you, Sellwood? All you have to do to earn your big, fat taxpayer funded salary and generous pension is to sit around pontificating about stuff that you know nothing about. Shut the fuck up, you dreadful little parasite; you are a shit-stain on the trousers of the world.

Of course, Sellwood is hardly the only jumped-up little Hitler employed at our expense; via Nation of Shopkeepers, we find that Nottingham Council have distinguished themselves again in the totalitarian bastard stakes.
The city centre is highly attractive for a pavement cafe culture because of its "cosmopolitan buzz", according to a city council report.

So, Nottingham Council want to encourage a cafe culture, with people sitting outside and enjoying a wee drink or two. But there is, of course, a catch...
Trouble is smokers have got their eye on the outdoor seating to find a place for their nicotine buzz.

Oh my god, those evil smokers! What shall we do?
The weather has meant huddling under the new smoking shelters has been a better option than lounging on the furniture outside the city's bars and restaurants.

But if the sun does eventually come out, the smokers have already been warned.

Of what, I wonder?
At a meeting of the local authority's City Centre Working Group this week, councillors were told that bar staff have been asked to ensure smokers don't take the seats away from diners and drinkers.

What the fuck? Isn't it up to the cafe and pub owners as to how they run their private fucking business? By what ayuthority do the Council feel that they can interfere in the decisions of a—and I can't stress this enough—private business?
Many pubs have room out the back for smoking shelters, and city centre manager Jane Dykes said officers were checking planning applications to ensure outdoor seating was not planned for those just wanting a cigarette.

You see? This isn't about the (minimal) risks of passivce smoking; this is about presecuting smokers. If a bar wants to install seating purely for the pleasure of their smoking clientele then why the fuck should they not do so?

And how, precisely, is the Council going to decide the motivations of a private businessman? How are they going to decide that seating is only there for smokers?

And even if it is, then so fucking what? If you make it illegal to smoke inside then people are going to go outside, but it isn't illegal to smoke outside (yet) and it isn't illegal to smoke whilst sitting down either.
The council is hoping for the furniture to look the same - possibly with some Nottingham branding in the future - and picnic tables and garden furniture have already been banned.

Why? For what fucking reason? Just because the Council can? What the fuck are these illiberal bastards playing at?
If the sun eventually rises, Nottingham might have a Parisian feel - but without their smokers' hacking cough.

So, not really a Parisian feel at all. For fuck's sake, have you ever been to Paris? Almost everybody smokes.

You see, you give these people an inch and they take a yard, imposing their own personal morality on private individuals; it is wrong, wrong, wrong. It is totalitarian.

Prepare those lamp posts, people, it is time that these fucks were tap-dancing on air...

9 comments:

Mark Wadsworth said...

Agreed. The fuckwittery competes with the bansturbation here, I'm not sure what's more irritating.

Shouldn't Nottingham be doing something about ... er ... high levels of crime or something?

Prodicus said...

I gave up smoking 9 months ago but this post has made me so fucking angry I am going out to buy a packet. Or maybe I will calm down a bit and think that through again before I... I know. Let's bomb Nottingham City Hall. Fuckers.

And which bastards passed a law that gives them the right to do all this stuff? Oh yes, The Labour government - those hypocrites who keep telling me they are the heirs of the giants who fought for civil (that's my) liberties. You WHAT? Jeepers, I am so fucking angry...

'Civil Liberties', quoth he? Some prof just said on WATO that this scepter’d isle, this earth of majesty, this seat of Mars,this other Eden, demi-paradise, this fortress built by Nature for herself against infection and the hand of war, this precious stone set in the silver sea, has more of its citizens' DNA records on its databases than ANY other country on the planet including the USA. So keep your saliva and all your other bodily fluids to yourself when they nick you for dropping a dog-end or having a drag in the wrong place.

Gissa fag.

Trixy said...

I am so wound up by that I have to go outside for a fag to calm down.

Proddy - you are welcome to join me!

Neal Asher said...

As you pointed out there's no law against smoking outside (yet) so Nottingham council, presumably, have no way, in law, of enforcing this. Listening to a recent radio program I also heard that bans outside hospitals and the like are also unenforcible. Maybe I'm wrong...

chris said...

With patio heaters even if you do think that anthropogenic climate change is happening, like me, there is absolutely no need to ban them. Just tax the carbon that they release at the the appropriate rate and the market will work its magic. As for them trying to ban smokers from sitting outside they can fuck themselves with a barbed wire covered barge pole, the cunt munching inbreds. If smokers want to smoke then it is their bodies so their problem, there is not even the excuse of passive smoking this time.

ENGLISHMAN said...

This is the result of pubs serving dinners for the bone idle,and slowly but surely they began to push the smokers/drinkers out,i stopped going to pubs because i continually had my elbow in some morons dinner ,if they want to eat out ,go to a RESTURANT,they have always catered for hipocrites.As we approach the precession of the ecuinox the world is bound to undergo some changes and upheavals, it has happened before and civilisations have been destroyed, man has little to do with it, so watch out three days before Christmas in 2012,as we change from pices to aquarius and the southern ice pack becomes enlarged and makes the rotation of the earth unbalanced.

haddock said...

"have you ever been to Paris?"..... no, but I have been to Nottingham. It's a place to get in and out of quickly, not a place to sit around ( smoking or not)

Roger Thornhill said...

chris: Just tax the carbon that they release at the the appropriate rate and the market will work its magic.


Chris, you contradict yourself within the same sentence. Taxation distorts the market.

Patio heaters should be used wisely. The best way to reduce their usage, and any form of inefficiency, is for the population to be well educated in general (not propaganda about such things), prudent and responsible. They will then not waste money unnecessarily and this will help curb the excessive use of patio heaters.

If more people ran their own businesses more would learn rapidly the trick of being prudent with money.

Edwin Hesselthwite said...

Nottingham... Why is it not in the least bit surprising that the seed of Illiberalism comes from that shitehole of a city...

Lets put this straight: Historically Nottingham is the great British city to have been on the wrong side of every major political issue for the last millennia. Charles I is corrupting Parliament? Lets, join the royalists side and let barbarian Charly raise his standard here. Industrialisation is bringing wealth undreamed of in the 19th Century? Lets be the national centre of a movement to burn down factories (Luddism emerged in the outlying towns, and at one point required more forces to surpress than were out fighting Napoleon). I bet they were even with the House of York in the war of the Roses.

Nowadays that architectural monstrosity (the city has never recovered from some hideously conceieved post-war road building) has a reputation for rivers of piss and vomit in its town centre - developed after it became the drinking capital of the East Midlands. The council, who have been a Labour one-party-state council for decades, have gained a real taste for Stalinist executive action (pointless tram systems, completely renovated bus systems, convoluted one way systems), so the idea of letting people do what they want is completely foreign to them.

The idea that anyone civilised would choose to stand outside "Parisian style" in the Market Square centre is laughable, unless they had ammonia in hand to cover the smell. But then, the city council has never been interested in protecting its citizens, they enjoy exercising power too much.

May the city collapse in on its own filth.