Besides, let's not hide behind euphemisms; let us call a fucking illiberal, cock-sucking, fascist cunt a "fucking illiberal, cock-sucking, fascist cunt" and have done with it, eh?
So, there are a couple of stories relating to smoking that are worth flagging up because they illustrate very well the totalitarian instincts of those who rule us. The first is the story about patio heaters.
People are being told to wear jumpers instead of relying on patio heaters, in an attempt to cut carbon emissions.
The Energy Saving Trust has urged retailers to stop selling the heaters after a report suggesting their use will almost double over the next year.
Can it be long before these bansturbators—yes, I've finally used it—actually forbid retailers to sell these patio heaters?
Chief executive Philip Sellwood said: "Why don't people just wear a jumper?"
Political blogger Devil's Kitchen said: "Why don't overpaid, illiberal fuckwits like Philip Sellwood just fuck off and die?"
Mr Sellwood said: "We are calling for responsible retailers to reconsider the sale of patio heaters in light of the substantial amount of carbon emissions they produce."
Seriously, this anthropogenic global warming thing is just a massive pile of shit; just fuck off with your bastard carbon emissions, will you? Just fuck the fuck off, you fucking fuck.
And why would you try to interfere in the market, you twat? Are retailers really going to stop selling things that make them a profit? No, they aren't. How soon before you fucks propose a ban, eh?
I give it six months.
It is thought that the recently imposed smoking ban in enclosed public places in England will lead to more outdoor smoking and an increase in commercial patio heaters.
Well, d'uh! Of course it will, but that's the law of unintended consequences for you, eh? God knows, you've had enough countries to study before you introduced the ban; didn't any of you stupid cunts consider this? No, of course you didn't, because the people who rule us are too stupid to do a decent fucking job.
Mr Sellwood said: "People are also influencing the larger, more damaging commercial sector, with a third of pub-goers choosing pubs where there is a patio heater.
People like to be warm shock! For fuck's sake...
"Landlords are helping to make patio heaters desirable - which they are not."
Really? They may not be desirable to you, sunshine, but they are to everyone else. That is why people choose to go to pubs with patio heaters and that is why landlords install the patio heaters: so that they can keep their business going.
You wouldn't know anything about that though, would you, Sellwood? All you have to do to earn your big, fat taxpayer funded salary and generous pension is to sit around pontificating about stuff that you know nothing about. Shut the fuck up, you dreadful little parasite; you are a shit-stain on the trousers of the world.
Of course, Sellwood is hardly the only jumped-up little Hitler employed at our expense; via Nation of Shopkeepers, we find that Nottingham Council have distinguished themselves again in the totalitarian bastard stakes.
The city centre is highly attractive for a pavement cafe culture because of its "cosmopolitan buzz", according to a city council report.
So, Nottingham Council want to encourage a cafe culture, with people sitting outside and enjoying a wee drink or two. But there is, of course, a catch...
Trouble is smokers have got their eye on the outdoor seating to find a place for their nicotine buzz.
Oh my god, those evil smokers! What shall we do?
The weather has meant huddling under the new smoking shelters has been a better option than lounging on the furniture outside the city's bars and restaurants.
But if the sun does eventually come out, the smokers have already been warned.
Of what, I wonder?
At a meeting of the local authority's City Centre Working Group this week, councillors were told that bar staff have been asked to ensure smokers don't take the seats away from diners and drinkers.
What the fuck? Isn't it up to the cafe and pub owners as to how they run their private fucking business? By what ayuthority do the Council feel that they can interfere in the decisions of a—and I can't stress this enough—private business?
Many pubs have room out the back for smoking shelters, and city centre manager Jane Dykes said officers were checking planning applications to ensure outdoor seating was not planned for those just wanting a cigarette.
You see? This isn't about the (minimal) risks of passivce smoking; this is about presecuting smokers. If a bar wants to install seating purely for the pleasure of their smoking clientele then why the fuck should they not do so?
And how, precisely, is the Council going to decide the motivations of a private businessman? How are they going to decide that seating is only there for smokers?
And even if it is, then so fucking what? If you make it illegal to smoke inside then people are going to go outside, but it isn't illegal to smoke outside (yet) and it isn't illegal to smoke whilst sitting down either.
The council is hoping for the furniture to look the same - possibly with some Nottingham branding in the future - and picnic tables and garden furniture have already been banned.
Why? For what fucking reason? Just because the Council can? What the fuck are these illiberal bastards playing at?
If the sun eventually rises, Nottingham might have a Parisian feel - but without their smokers' hacking cough.
So, not really a Parisian feel at all. For fuck's sake, have you ever been to Paris? Almost everybody smokes.
You see, you give these people an inch and they take a yard, imposing their own personal morality on private individuals; it is wrong, wrong, wrong. It is totalitarian.
Prepare those lamp posts, people, it is time that these fucks were tap-dancing on air...