Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Prescott: talentless, deluded fuckwit

ChickenYoghurt acidly rips the shit out of that fat turd, Prescott.
Take national shame and disgrace John Prescott’s grotesque, contemptuous and contemptible display standing in at Prime Minister’s Questions today. A shaved chimp would have displayed more dignity. Its makes one wish that, rather than a well-fed and idle old age in the House of Lords and a blind eye turned to his sausage-fingered sexual harassment, Prescott might be rewarded by being pushed very slowly into a bacon slicer. Democracy? You can fucking stick it. That we’ve let that fat turd stink out our politics for so long should make mortified flagellants of us all.

I wish I could disagree with any of that but I can't: the only thing that I can add is to emphasise that Prescott should be pushed feet-first into that bacon-slicer.

Now, Tim Worstall has a detailed dissection, by a programmer, as to why the MTAS site was such a fucking disaster, which is not too technical and well-worth reading in full. However, the conclusion is this:
NONE of these precautions was taken with MTAS. Access to data was as unencumbered as a link to an entry on your blog. There is NO WAY that this was anything other than gross incompetence. It is inconceivable that MTAS had a working login session mechanism that was then replaced by the brain-dead version it had when the security breaches came to light. If you're creating a web-based IT project, just about the first thing you do is design the security model.

This is a level of stupidity that is quite likely actionable under data protection statutes (implementers of systems containing personal information have a statutory duty, I believe, to ensure only authorised persons have access to that data).

Ironically, as Tim points out, the only people who are likely to be prosecuted are those who tried to show how insecure the system was.
For anyone who deliberately accessed the system to check and see if they had indeed done somthing so mind-bogglingly stupid were guilty of hacking a computer system, were they not? Deliberately hacking a computer system in fact. And anyone who asked people to check the system, again, to see whether said system was indeed so mind-bogglingly stupid as to work in this manner, was and is guilty of incitement to hack a computer system.

So we have the (I believe a reference to Kafka is obligatory here) situation whereby a grossly incompetent, almost certainly law breaking, computer system is online but anyone who checks that it is indeed lawbreaking and/or incompetently put together is guilty of an offense.

Given this mind-boggling catalogue of incompetence, laziness, and stupidity we really should be looking for someone to blame. So who should that be? Let's look to PMQs to enlighten us, shall we?
Mr Hague said his question had been about junior doctors. He asked who was responsible in government for the "fiasco" of the online recruitment system.

After a pause, Mr Prescott said: "Tories".

What the fucking fuck is that shit about? Has this man no shame? Or, at the very least, no credible lie up his sleeve?

A little while ago, Jamie of Blood and Treasure announced that the British Library wanted to make a copy of his blog and decided to write a lovely little eulogy for the Prime Minister.
But meanwhile, being an Official Historical Source carries with it certain obligations. I am History itself, no less, and I must Speak.

So can I just say that the outgoing Prime Minister is a pious conman; a vile, wheedling dog; an authoritarian creep; a toady of the powerful and a menace to the powerless; a man of blood and an unindicted war criminal; a damp-handed, grinning psychopath; a receiver of rich men’s gifts; a pimp of morality; a breaker of nations and a wrecker of lives; a betrayer of friends and a disgrace to his party and nation; a canting knave; a lickspittle, a wankstain and a cuntbubble; a lying sack of shit who should be encased in concrete and hurled into the Marianas trench. He leaves a country divided - divided between those who wouldn't piss on him if he was burning in the gutter and those who want to throw him in the gutter and set fire to him.

This morning, your humble Devil received an email asking for permission to archive The Kitchen at the British Library—fame indeed! As my father put it:
And what a giggle to think of grave intellectuals of the future poring reverently over all that closely f*cking reasoned abuse!

Quite. However, I too feel the heavy hand of history upon my shoulder; alas, I don't think that I could possibly beat Jamie's encomium to Blair, but I do feel that a short eulogy to Prescott should be committed to the annals of history.

So, I'd just like to say that John Prescott is possibly the most inarticulate, stupid, and talentless excuses for an MP that I have ever seen or heard. The only thing that he seems to have been any good at is fucking his secretary on taxpayers' time and in taxpayers' buildings, sexually harrassing fellow MP's wives in their own hallways, and generally behaving like a fucking savage.

His contribution to politics has been entirely damaging—he has comprehensively fucked up every single portfolio with which he has been entrusted, and has been responsible for a great deal of the destruction of faith that the people of Britain have in Parliament. He has been famous only for being paid enormous amounts of money to do nothing: indeed, it seems that at the last reshuffle he was effectively paid to stop—please, in the name of all that's unholy—doing anything.

I would describe him as a shaved chimp but that is rather insulting to chimps which, whilst being highly territorial, do at least understand courtesy and manners. Prescott is a fat, hairy cunt; he is the original bastard's bastard; a pungent turd of the very first water, whose continued existance is an affront to the human race.

May he die in pain and rot in hell for an eternity.

14 comments:

james higham said...

Can I gather from this, DK, that you don't like JP?

Trixy said...

I think using the word 'cunt' is actually rather insulting to women.

Imagine having JP between your legs. No, no, don't. Just stop thinking about it.

Alan Douglas said...

DK, you generously say :

"The only thing that he seems to have been any good at is fucking his secretary" - not according to that lady, he wasn't.

Alan Douglas

Pogo said...

I reckon that you've let the fat cunt off quite lightly!

Theo Spark said...

Apparently today he met some of the family of the missing girl in Portugal to offer his suppot and help. What the fuck can he do? Apart from exploit the situation for his own gain.

Anonymous said...

DK ot I been coming to your blog over the last few days ,thinking you had done the bunk ,all I get is a load of empty page plus your side bars ,it wasn't until I did a scroll for 5 mins I realised you are still here ,Im only using ie6 ,it works eveywhere else ,is it you or me?

pommygranate said...

I am campaigning to have Tracey Temple knighted.

At least whilst he was screwing her, he couldn't screw the country.

assegai_mike said...

Anonymous: No, I get that too. And DK is a naughty boy for not fixing it.

David B. Wildgoose said...

This site works fine with Opera. Might I suggest upgrading to a modern standards-compliant browser rather than continuing with something slow, buggy and insecure like Internet Explorer? [ends smug mode...]

Guido Faux said...

Bet he's laughing his fat ass off though.

I can't believe I made deputy PM!

Anonymous said...

5/17/2007 08:05:00 AM

I would but you have to think companies and spending money ,IT Dept geeks , being told your not allowed to update as it's company policy etc.

Devil's Kitchen said...

OK, OK, I shall try to fix it. I think that the best way is to eliminate the floats, if I can.

FUCKING IE! Bastard fucking IE and bastard fucking MS and bastard fucking company IT departments! They should all burn in the firey pits of hell alongside sodding Prescott!

DK

Not Saussure said...

feet-first into the bacon slicer

This is not a course of treatment I recommend, you will understand, but it's perhaps worth recording the fate of the unfortunate General Vlasov, who, having been abandoned with his encircled army by Stalin somewhere in Northern Russia during the early days of the Great Patriotic War, promptly changed sides (along with his army) and fought for the Germans.

He made the mistake of surviving the war and being captured by the Soviets. Rumours as to the manner of his death -- which, exaggerated though they may have been, to draw attention to the fate of traitors to Stalin, cannot have been pleasant-- abound, but one of the most persistent ones is that he met his end, after several days of prolonged torture, being fed into the furnace that fuelled the Lubyanka's central heating system, feet first, tied to a plank with piano wire.

Anonymous said...

http://hobycartoons.blogspot.com/2007/01/prescott-defence.html