Friday, May 18, 2007

The Gobblin' King speaks

So Gordon has been effectively elected Labour Party leader without a contest and now his grasping hands are just reaching out for the crown. And what could be more suitable than a short speech, eh?
I am truly humbled...

Stop tittering at the back...
... that so many of my colleagues have nominated me for the leadership of the Labour Party and I formally accept the nomination, the responsibility it brings, and the opportunity to serve the people of Britain.

Oh, fuck.
I will strive to earn your trust.

Well, you've had ten years to do that, sunshine, and we still think that you are as slippery and shitty as Princess Toni.
To earn your trust in our schools, in our hospitals, in our public services, and to respond to your concerns.

Do I have to repeat myself? You've had ten years and nearly double the cash: where are the fucking results, you shit? And don't try to tell me that you weren't the controlling hand on all of these policies: you have had your claws on the purse-strings for a decade.
And by listening...

Listen to this: fuck. Off.
... and learning...

... which is more than our children are doing in the schools that you've comprehensively fucked up.
... I want to become a voice for communities far beyond Westminster, to become a voice for the parent, the patient and the public, whom public services must exist to serve.

I repeat: you've already had ten years.

And I see your references to patients and parents; very noble, Gordon, very empathetic. But where is the voice for healthy, young people who have to pay for the patients' blasted medical care and the bastard parents' fucking life-style choice? Will you be representing the hard-working, over-taxed people of Britain who demand nothing from the state?

Will you fuck.
When people ask me what I will focus on as Prime Minister...

Do you need to focus, Gordon, when you don't have stereoscopic vision?
My passion is education.

Which you have utterly bollocksed up, despite doubling the budget.
My immediate priority is the NHS.

Which you have utterly bollocksed up, despite doubling the budget.
The new challenges: affordable housing;

Ah, yes, housing which is paid for by us and sold at knock-down prices to whoever's vote you are trying to buy this time.
Building safe, secure and sustainable communities;

What? What the fuck does that mean, precisely?
And building trust in our democracy.

There is no trust left. You and your Nulabour cronies have destroyed any trust that we had. Over the course of the last ten fucking years.

For fuck's sake, Gordon, everyone is waiting for Blair to go so we can get on with bringing you down. Because, you see, Gordo, once you are PM, you won't simply be able to disappear when things are getting awkward as has been your want.

And whether you like it or not, the wheels are starting to fall off the economy. Personally, I hope that you are stil in office when the whole thing comes crashing down around your ears. Then the people of Britain will burn you in a great, big, clunking wicker fist.

I hate you, you cunt.


Vicola said...

Ah this is one subject that really grinds my gears. Why the fuck should Daz, who sits on his arse all day watching Jeremy Kyle and getting off his face have the same level of wealth as Alan Sugar, a man who has worked his balls off? The problem politicians have is they are living in their little poiltically correct bubble with their communist ideas that we should all have the same whilst conveniently forgetting that a large section of society has opted out of working and therefore haven't earned anything. But hey, that's society's fault isn't it? The reason I'm so bad tempered about this? Because I'm knackered from having to get up at the crack of sparrows to go to fucking work in order to pay for Daz's diazepam and Special Brew. Fuckers.

Devil's Kitchen said...

Ha! -- "the crack of sparrows": good phrase...


Mark Wadsworth said...

Here's one my lad (aged 6) thought up:

Simple Simon met a pie-man going to the fair,
Said Simple Simon to the pie-man "Let me taste your ware"
Said the pie-man unto Simon
"Sorry, the Goblin King has eaten them all up!"

Which I thought was pretty good.

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