Drinking at home

Now what the fucking fuck is this fucking shit?

Parents who give alcohol to children aged under 15 should be prosecuted, a charity has said.

The call comes in an Alcohol Concern report on the government's Alcohol Harm Reduction Strategy.

The study highlights figures that suggest a large increase in the amount of alcohol being drunk by 11 to 13-year-olds.

Go fuck yourselves, you fucking charity fucks? What the fucking hell is wrong with this damn country? Following on closely from the news that the government already has 266 ways to enter our homes, these bastards will be encouraging the state to burst down our doors with Drink Enforcement Officers.

What the... I... I'm just fucking speechless. I'm absolutely astonished that anyone could even suggest such a massively illiberal idea.

And why the fuck do Alcohol Concern think that they—or the state—can bring up other people's children better than their own parents? What amazing affrontery!

Public health minister Caroline Flint told the BBC she did not think the proposals would be enforceable.

And that's your only fucking objection?—that you don't think it would be enforceable? For fuck's sake, woman, how about coming out and saying, "What do you think we are, you Alcohol Concern bastards? The fucking Nazis?"

Alcohol Concern also wants a 16% rise in alcohol taxes...

What the bastard fuck is going on? Seriously, why is it that these puritan cunts insists on punishing everyone for the abusive habits of a fucking minority?

... a ban on brewers selling to retailers at a loss...

And who the fuck are these Alcohol Concern people to tell two private entities how they conduct their own private bloody business? Get out of the market, you cunts.

... and a crackdown on under-age alcohol sales.

Oh, finally, some fucking sense. Yes, if you think that there is a massive problem with under-age drinking, by all means enforce the laws that we already have! Yes, that is what you should do.

What you shouldn't do is to bring in yet more unbelievably illiberal and unenforceable laws. And Spam wants to give these bastard charities more power!

Personally, I shall be sending a letter to Alcohol Concern, expressing my concern at their authoritarian tendencies. Oh, and I'll probably call them a pack of cunts as well.

Oh, while we are about it, we do I keep seeing these signs saying:

If you are fortunate enough to look under 21, please ensure that you have ID.

What? Why 21? Last time I looked, the legal age for buying alcohol was 18, not 21: did I miss a meeting? Many pubs are also enforcing a 21 age limit now too.

I object to this. What we should be doing is encouraging responsible drinking by allowing parents to buy their children a drink in pubs (and by all means, get them to show ID that confirms that they are the parents). This helps the children get a feel for both the drink and the environment in which it is consumed.

As we are finding, the more that you try to prohibit a product, the more people misuse it.

UPDATE: some more from the Snob, the Greek and the Sharpener.

UPDATE 2: via Jackart, this is superb.

So you will understand why the news this morning that an organisation calling itself Alcohol Concern, no doubt comprised of characters formed from the rancid grey scum that rises from the bubbling cauldron of joyless interference in other people's lives, declares that parents who allow under 15s to taste life's nectar should be jailed, I am less than enthusiastic. The French would snort, the Spanish giggle and the Italians shrug. Even the Germans would blow a little Teutonic toot through pursed lips.

And now another thought has flicked through my mind. If the meddling witch from Alcohol Concern who spoke on R4's 'Today' earlier was mashed, fermented and distilled, aged in an oak cask with wormwood and scorpion tails, and bottled, what would the taste be? Bitter, no doubt. A hidden spiteful sting, perhaps not unpleasant if well diluted. A few drops then, in a Paris goblet, well swilled round to coat the glass, before half a gill of good Plymouth Gin is added. That would be perfect.

Go read the whole thing.