For fuck's sake, get your grasping hands off my booze

As I have remarked before, this government seem to be particularly fond of the "punish everyone in order to stop the minority" approach; it's very reminiscent of the Molesworth master threatening that "unless the culprit owns up, the whole school will dig the vegetable patch." It is bad enough when the government does it, but when those who are, frankly, merely interfering pricks try to encourage it, it simply pisses me off even more. And, naturally, it's the fucking doctors at it again.

Royal College of Physicians president Prof Ian Gilmore said alcohol should be made more expensive to deter the young.

Piss off! Your job is, as a doctor, to patch people up: why don't you just shut the fuck up and get on with it, eh? If you are worried about young people drinking, then how about advising the government to enforce the law that is already there, i.e. that alcohol cannot be sold to under-18s? Why would you possibly advise that all of us should suffer because some people put themselves in hospital by illegally obtaining booze?

"The government does not want to be accused of being in the nanny state. But I think we're in a situation at the moment of where nanny knows best and if we don't do something, we're going to regret it in a few years time."

So, although the government does not want to be accused of being a nanny state you are, in fact, asking it to behave as, well, a nanny state. And nanny knows best does she? Because politicians are all models of probity, aren't they? Because there are absolutely no drug and alcohol addicted doctors out there, are there? So, remind me again: who, exactly, is the nanny and what, precisely, does she know best about?

Using NHS statistics, Panorama found 20 cases a day of under-18s diagnosed with conditions like alcohol poisoning.

You want to reduce that? Fine.

Here's a way that you can do it and not punish those of us who use booze sensibly(ish): charge for treatment. You want to discourage people from getting so drunk that they get hospitalised? Good, it's simple because, as we all know, incentives matter. Charge people, say, £50 to get their stomach pumped. If they don't have £50 on them, give them two weeks to pay, after which it doubles (much like a parking fine in Edinburgh) but make sure that you enforce that fine administrative charge.

Do you see? That way, those who actually cause the NHS problems are punished and (hopefully) discouraged from doing it again (or, indeed, ever) and the rest of us do not get shafted. Do you see, Gilmore, you illiberal fuckwit?

Good; now, can you please go back to doing your job, i.e. treating sick people, and let the rest of us live our lives as we see fit? Thank you.