As expected for our Health Secretary, Patricia Hewitt, 57, apparently leads a life of exemplary healthiness...a spokesman insisted that she eats "infinitely more" than the recommended five portions of fruit and vegetables per day. She has never smoked and allows herself only the occasional glass of wine but given her busy schedule, struggles to "exercise properly with her busy schedule".
"And she does have very, very regular bowel movements".
Well, one could imagine that this is the case; after all, the sanctimonious po-faced whore is just the type to actually grade her number twos. Mind you, even if she had Type 7, stinking, ring-burning diarrhoea she would still declare it "the greatest shit ever".
Fascinating stuff. But it gets better.
In fact, according to the Media pages in Sunday’s Observer, Hewitt’s spokesman had never referred to her bowel movements: Neil Tweedie had put this in as a (rather appropriate) joke, expecting the sub-editor to remove it. Clearly, the sub-editor thought that the remark was entirely in character and assumed it was genuine. Apparently, there is now discussion between Hewitt’s office and the Telegraph as to whether a printed retraction would make her look worse.
Hahahahahahaha! Don't worry, Patsy dear, you couldn't look any worse if you tried, you evil, mendacious, hypocritical harridan.
Patricia Hewitt denies she has a regular bowel habit? Surely not! She is between a rock and a hard place.
Or rather, between a Type 1 and Type 2 poo...
This is a source of great pleasure to Dr Crippen, who always thought the Secretary of State was anally retentive. Apologies for that, Patricia.
Yes, I imagine that she is anally retentive: she keeps every shit that she does in a labelled container and then lines them up neatly in the airing cupboard (where she also keeps her brain, one assumes, because it doesn't seem to be between her fucking ears).
Dear fucking god, she really is a stupid cunt.