Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Chuckles: an apology

Your humble Devil would like to apologise for all of his swearing (except where it applies to Polly: that's totally fucking justified); and do I hear you asking why? I think that I do.

Well, let me explain: it is because I have debased some of the oldest and finest words in the English language; I have made so free with the lexicon of sweariness, that there is now no word bad anough to apply just singly to Chuckles. When I heard about his plan to extend the DNA Database to everybody in the country, I wanted to call him a cunt. No, I thought, "cunt" is simply not strong enough: would "fucking cunt" do? No.

This news has brought home the shocking revelation that there really is no single word in the English language offensive enough to describe Tony Blair. And it is at this stage that I can raise my eyes heavenwards, and bless the English language for its beautiful flexibility.

Because Tony Blair is a raddled old whore of an unwashed and stinking minge; when he opens his mouth, the overpowering smell of dead meat and rancid cunt oozes from the very pores of his tongue; the hideous, fucking evil that riddles his soul finding physical manifestion in the rotting shitbreath of his putrid fuckhole face. What a hideous, chancre-covered, running-pus of a prick he is; what an awful, sodomisation-without-lube-by-a-large-gang-of-coloured-gentlemen-with-unfeasibly-thick-cocks kind of a person he is, the quinessence of a diseased ego and corrupted conscience.

Fuck you, Blair; fuck you in the face with a broken bottle wrapped in that really horrible blue nylon rope that leaves bits of itchy crap in your flesh. I hope you die and take your awful, boot-faced, money-grabbing, bitch-whore of a wife with you.

Alternatively, you could go and visit the poor, little Greek boy, who spells out the issues reasonably and with panache.
It's at this point that I begin to sound like a tinfoil-hatted paranoiac. I know that. But honestly, do you want to live in the sort of society where you are barcoded at birth, tracked through the day through CCTV and vehicle monitoring, where other citizens are encouraged to spy on you, a government database 'stops' you from abusing your children by not giving them five fruit and veg a day, and where the government holds information on you right down to the microbiological level? And do you believe Tony Blair when he says it should just be voluntary? Do you?

No. God, I hate him...

5 comments:

The Nameless One said...

Superb. Your vitriolic outburst should go on Blair's headstone. Asssuming we bury him as opposed to leaving his fetid corpse to rot by the side of the road.

Anonymous said...

I'm not entirely sure why they don't insist on som GPS tracking and remote parylisation device for all living beings in the UK and have done with it...

Mr Eugenides said...

Well, I think we've got our first entry for the Swearbloggers roundup...

AntiCitizenOne said...

The first thing to consider is how we can abuse this technology to discredit our serf-owning classes.

It should be possible to leak all sorts of info from doing some gene tests on the ruling classes.

Has anyone in the cabinet got a Schizo gene, high risk of heart problems, gay-gene carrier (except mandy ;) ) or extreme narcisicist?

They have nothing to hide.

istanbultory said...

Superlative stuff. A deliciously venemous assault on the Dear Leader and all his evil ways- cunt that he is.