Hands off, you thieving bastards!

To describe Hazel "Squirrel-face" Blears as a prize cunt would be wrong; not immoral or inflammatory or anything, just factually wrong.

Because, let's face it, if you received Hazel Blears as a competition prize you wouldn't want to fuck her face let alone her cunt: it's probably full of big, sharp squirrel teeth. So, given that I have no desire to choke her with my cock, after this statement I am going to have to resort to the old, tried and trusted method of using my bare hands.

LABOUR wants taxpayers to plug a gaping hole in the party’s finances caused by a collapse in donations after the cash-for-peerages allegations.

Hazel Blears, the party chairman, told The Times yesterday that Labour, as the party of government, should get more public money to support political work.

Look, you dozy bitch, you get fuck loads of public cash in the form of civil servants and, to an extent, the use of taxpayers' money to fund what are, in effect, party political adverts trumpeting "government" achievements.

The proposals will prompt accusations that the voters are being asked to bail out political parties after the police investigation into allegations that peerages were offered in return for secret loans.

Well, isn't this precisely what we are being asked to do?

She also wants all parties to receive funds to support political work to engage with disillusioned voters in the community.

Oh, just piss off. Christ All-fucking-mighty, they just think that they can say the keywords—words like "disillusioned" (it sounds a wee bt like "disenfranchised" which poor people equate to being given money), "community" (which poor people equate to being given money), "support" (which poor people equate to being given money), "engage" (which poor people equate to being given money) and "funds" (which poor people equate to being given money)—and we'll just roll over to have our tummies tickled.

Hazel, you fuck-witted bitch, has it never occurred to you that one of the reasons that voters are disillusioned is that they are fed up with having large amounts of money extorted from them and pissed up the wall but feel that there is nothing that they can do because the government, supposedly their servant, does not seem to be fucking well listening? The game's up, Blears; even Patsy has admitted that the money has been wasted. Admittedly, that's only £40 billion or so, but there seems no reason to think that the NHS fuck up is the extent of your incompetence.

Ms Blears also urged ministers, MPs and party members not to be distracted from the task of finding modern solutions to new policy challenges.

Modern solutions? I think that robbery with menaces is probably one of the oldest "solutions", isn't it?

Heavy spending for last year’s general election campaign has left the party with debts of more than £20 million. Its National Executive Committee this week agreed 50 staff redundancies, budget cuts of 20 per cent, office closures and scaling back events to save £4 million a year.

Well, Hazel, if you lot run the Party like you run this country, all I can say is "best of luck, sunshine".

Anyway, never mind: I'm sure that your grass-roots supporters will be more than happy to donate money. What's that? There's only Neil Harding, Unity, Kerron Cross and Bob Piper left and they're a bit short this month? Oh.

Well, surely, if the Labour Party's support is at its lowest for decades, then surely your mandate, already pretty shakey, is non-existant?

Labour’s income from big donors, which between elections is usually about £4 million, has collapsed to less than £1 million after police began a criminal inquiry into allegations that peerages were offered in return for secret loans. But Ms Blears, who is known for being unfailingly upbeat, said that the mood within the Labour Party remained constructive: “There is genuinely not a mood of low morale.”

Really. Okey-dokey then.

Here's a suggestion, Hazel dear: you've got 353 MPs in the House of Commons and I am sure that they will be happy to dig into their own pockets as a gesture of support for the Party that helped them into office. If they all hand over £11,500, you won't have to sack all of those party workers or scale back your budgets. And to raise £3 million, they need only stump up £8,500: I'd call that a bargain, frankly.

So get your thieving fucking hands off our money, you fucking whore.

Other people are also suitably incensed.

• Timmy:
  

  No surprise really, although the cheek of it, the effrontery, is breathtaking. Essentially Blears is stating that the Labour Party has screwed up, spent too much money ineffectively and it should be the taxpayer who coughs up. Well, they've done that with the health system, the education system, every other part of the governance of the country, so why not?



• Samizdata:
  

  There, problem solved. Can't get people to give their money to you voluntarily? Then simply take it from them whether they like it or not. It's not as if they will object or anything ... Ms. Blears will assuredly get her way. After all, we have a political establishment whose main (and perhaps even sole) preoccupation is now its own survival. In truth, it is a rotting carcass rolling around on its death bed gasping for a few more lungfuls of sweet oxygen.

And, of course, the Swearbloggers are on fantastic fucking form.

• The poor, little Greek boy (who also points out that the Labour Party have been embezzling money from the public purse for years):
  

  This is not mere chutzpah: it is monstrous, almost criminal in its arrogance. Remember, the Labour Party already gets plenty of public funds indirectly to support its own work, though special advisers, press officers and the like.
  ...
  
  These people are thieves. There is no other word for them. They systematically defraud the taxpayer to fund party political activities, and launder public money through "Modernisation fund" payments to the unions which then come straight back to them in the form of party donations. They get caught accepting sub rosa payments and loans in exchange for baubles, and their response is to demand that we reach deeper into our pockets to pay for their stupid fucking chameleon adverts.
  
  In any civilised country these people would be facing jail; in less genteel societies they would remain barricaded inside gated compounds lest an enraged mob chase them in the streets and rip their throats out. Here, the worst-case scenario is a tearful resignation, a cozy EU Commissioner's post and a fat pension to buy them claret in their dotage. Well, fuck them. They get enough of my money, fuck you very much. No more.
  
  As Tim never tires of reminding us, the only way to stop political leaders - of any party - from burning/stealing our money, and fucking up everything they touch, is drastically to reduce the amount of money they are given control over, and the areas of our lives in which they are allowed to intervene. Until that day, the red-hot poker will remain up our asses; some of these fuckers twist it in a bit deeper than others, to be sure, but by now we are too sore to notice.



• The Nameless Tory (in a beautiful fisking):
  

  Stupid woman. Stupid, stupid, stupid woman. You don't need more funds to engage the disillusioned voters. You just want decent policies that actually mean something to people. Stop pushing meaningless fucking policies like ID cards, and instead tell people about how you are going to pay for their pensions. Actually talk about issues and ideas that interest people and impact on their lives.
  ...
  
  If you honestly think that the general public wants to piss even more of their money up the wall then you are even more stupid than you look.
  
  And I ask myself whether anyone can really be this clueless. Because there is an alternative, a nagging little doubt at the back of mind. Because I think Blears and her odious army of NuLabourites do know what the General Public want. They just don't give a flying fuck.



• Strange Stuff:
  

  How shall I put this? Fuck off and die you srounging cunts. If I thought that the Labour Party where worth shit maybe I would join up and give it some of my money, as it is I would not be willing to piss on it if it was on fire. Labour is a party lead by such authoriarian dick heads that it makes even Michael Howard look warm and fluffy. Keeping those jackboots so very, very shiny might cost a lot in polish, but it is the Labour leadership's choice to wear them.

A positive feast of insulting rhetoric today: it makes my heart sing, really it does.

UPDATE: and there's more from the Swearbloggers!

• The P-G:
  

  IF THE PUBLIC DID WANT TO GIVE POLITICAL PARTIES MONEY YOU WOULDN'T BE IN THE SHITE THAT YOU ARE.
  
  FUCK OFF.



• The Reactionary Snob:
  

  Let me get this straight? You fuck up your finances by handing out coronets to anyone who gives you tuppence ha'penny and now because you've been found out to be a bunch of crooks you turn to the electorate and say 'Please Sir, can I have some more?'.
  
  You should be standing in a court of law not cravenly asking us to empty our wallets into your coffers. (Incidentally, if you need a lawyer, please do contact me. I'd happily defend you - it would be nice for you to pay me for once).
  
  Now that rich individuals would rather get rogered with a barge pole than touch your finances with one you turn to the old cashcow that you've been apricots deep in for the last 9 years - the humble taxpayer, and you reach for the lubricant.



• And, of course, Carpsio:
  

  I'll throw some money into the pot if we're buying rope for you and your entire pestilential, gibbering calvalcade of simpering, sidestepping, immoral, stealing, theiving twats. Aside from that, you can put my diseased, unwashed cock in your mouth and await my watery seed (and it will be a long wait - but it will arrive before my money). You have no claim on my money. None. Not a single penny of mine is yours by any measure of right or justice. If you're bankrupt, you can get to the nearest street corner and whore yourself.

As the P-G points out, a very good candidate for the Friday Fuck Off Thread. With knobs on.