Monday, June 19, 2006

4 pints right in your fucking face

If there is anything guaranteed to reduce your humble Devil to an apoplectic rage, it is cunting politicians trying to take away his beer. Now, it is true that David Farrer predicted that this would happen.
[An SNP spokesman said:] "That's why I'm calling on drinks companies as a first step to follow a voluntary code of conduct regarding children and the advertising of alcohol.


And the second step? It's going to be legislation or, as we say in Scotland, a ban.

I must say that I didn't comment because I thought it a little too fanciful; "surely not?" I thought. So imagine my feelings of despair and rage when I saw this over at the poor little Greek boy's place.
Scotland is set to become the first country in Europe to ban alcohol for under-21s as part of a radical shake-up of licensing laws. The controversial crackdown would also see all members of the public limited to only four alcoholic drinks per visit to a pub or club.

Some fat, useless, interferring, over-paid cunt spokesman issued a denial.
However, a spokesman yesterday denied suggestions, made in a Sunday newspaper, that it was considering banning alcohol for people aged under 21. He said there was "absolutely no truth" in the story.

As Mr E points out, no one but a fool would believe this denial and, besides, they didn't deny the four pint story.

You might remember that some fucking cunthole of a surgeon, named John Smith (the world's most boring cunting name*), proposed something similar a few months back, at which time I wrote:
The last thing that we need is interfering busybodies like you giving this bunch of fascist wankscum ideas. I bet some fucking lightbulbs went off in the Labour policy unit when you came up with that idea, John.

Aye, sure enough. All it needed was our lords and masters in the fucking, fucking, fuck-fuckity-fuck-fucking EU to get in on the act (thus raising the promise of funding and more moolah for our feckless MSPs to spend on their cunting houses) and the whole thing is just too much for them.
What is it about doctors, eh? Why can't they just stick to doing their fucking jobs? Only last year we were being bothered by a head-up-his-arse-which-he-needed-a-map-to-find, sanctimonious fuckwit surgeon who proposed that everyone should be limited to three pints a day.
...

Dr Peter Anderson and Mr John Smith: two gentlemen who prove that, not only does having qualifications mean that you aren't as thick as fucking shit, but who also both illustrate the one of the clearest arguments possible for allowing me to condemn certain arseholes to death. What a couple of cunts.

A plague on doctors and their interfering busy-body ways: the only people worse are the fucking politicians, and the Scottish Executive are the worst of the lot. As Mr E says:
But they've denied it, so I'm sure it's all just tabloid flim-flam, and I'm sure there is absolutely no truth in the suggestion that the Scottish Executive are interfering, nannyish bastards who should mind their own fucking business and let us get on with enjoying our lives in whatever way we see fit, and there is absolutely no truth in the suggestion that I wish that Jack McConnell would fuck off and die in a fire.

The tentacles of the state wrap themselves ever-tighter round our necks - though they're always careful to leave one free to reach into our pocket.

I have been spending some time in Glasgow, a city in which you are not allowed to smoke inside public spaces and you are not allowed to drink outside in public spaces. And, from January, all pubs will have to adopt plastic containers instead of serving drinks in a glass. What the fuck is going on?

This country is leading the way in nanny-state, illiberal, totalitarian bullshit; it's time to get the fuck out.

* There used to be a guy, who worked in the Edinburgh Apple shop, whose parents had decided to compensate for their tedious surname by calling their son Yeoman. Yeoman Smith is a great name: I'm thinking of changing mine...

7 comments:

Serf said...

All socialists are girly men who cannot hold their beer. There is no other explanation.

Tom Paine said...

Come to Russia, DK. Even Stalin couldn't have succeeded in restricting drinking here. The Russians have put up with a lot in their time, but they are nowhere near as docile as the Brits. As Bill Bryson remarked, Britain is the only place where Communism might actually work. I have a feeling that, at this rate, you are going to get the chance to find out if he is right.

Tom Paine said...

PS: I shall be using "the fucking, fucking, fuck-fuckity-fuck-fucking EU" to teach my Russian colleagues how to pass as natives. Russian is the only language with anything approaching the rich vocabulary of swear words in English. One Russian Tsar is remembered for swearing continuously for many minutes without repeating a single word. Another reason you would like it here!

PPS: Thanks to me, there are East Europeans who know how to interpolate "fucking" between syllables in English. It always astounds native speakers when a foreigner can agree with them by saying "abso-fucking-lutely"

I should get a British Council grant really.

Tim Newman said...

Come to Russia, DK.

I'll be there in a couple of weeks. Yay!

Deogolwulf said...

"Come to Russia"

It's well worth considering.

Devil's Kitchen said...

OK, who do I have to bribe to get there?

DK

Squander Two said...

Czech is also supposed to be rather rich in swear words. Apparently, the reason the dialogue in the English edition of The Good Soldier Sveyk is rather repetitive is that there were so few English swear words to sue for the vast number of Czech ones.

You know, I can't believe I know that.