DK's Manifesto

UPDATE: Strange Stuff has some comments and addendums to this post. Consider yourself on the Cabinet, Chris!

Well, having been prodded once again by the P-G, finally here it is (most of it)! This manifesto has been started a number of times, but I have found it quite tricky to write: thus, I have decided to do a brief breakdown of my policies in various areas and let you guys comment. This has been compiled in consultation with those Cabinet members who contributed, and with ideas that I have picked up over the last few months. Many thanks to you all.

GOVERNMENT
The government will be made up of the Benign Dictator for Life, i.e. me, and the blogger Cabinet as feferred to above.
We'll have elections when we feel like it. They may or may not be rigged; however, hopefully we are going to make everyone so prosperous and happy that we won't need to rig it.


EUROPE
This may seem a weird thing to start with, but I simply cannot see how we can radically reform the state whilst so much of the state's workings are governed by an unelected body outwith this country. My plan, therefore, is this:

1. Withdraw from the EU and, using our market leverage (i.e., our trade deficit), negotiate favoured trading status similar to that that enjoyed by Iceland.


2. Immediately cease payment of all monies to the EU (which are currently against the EU's own anti-money laundering laws anyway, since the EU demonstrably does not have proper accounting procedures in place).


3. Immediately cease payments to all MEPs, and remove their authorisation to speak for Britain.


4. Make it clear to the EU that they can keep Mandelson and Kinnock, and immediately withdraw their passports and citizenship.

THE WORLD

1. Rebuild economic ties with The Commonwealth and other countries but apply economic sanctions against those countries abusing human rights, e.g. Mugabe's Zimbabwe.


2. Tie the devlivery of aid to reforms in the recipient country, i.e. their governments must ensure security of life and tenure of property and embrace inward investment. By these means we shall help build stable and sustainable economies in, for instance, Africa, rather than pissing billions a year down the drain.


3. Drop all trade barriers and tariffs, and embrace truly free trade with other countries.

THE BRITISH ECONOMY
This could definitely be a long section, and I'm sure that many people will say that it cannot be done. I don't have exact figures, but if any economists out there want to give the mathematics a shot, please do.

1. Scrap all currently existing bribes benefits.


2. Introduce the Citizen's Basic Income. Those who qualify are:
   
   • Everyone over 16*,
   
   
   • Households with a combined income of less than £50,000 a year.
   
   
3. Abolish NI which is, in the end, simply another income tax.


4. Introduce a Flat Tax of 35% to be phased down as costs are cut, and introduce a personal allowance of £10,000 per person.


5. Zero tax on company profits that are reinvested into the business. Dividends to be taxed in the same way as other income.


6. Abolish Inheritance Tax as it is a disincentive to save. Set Capital Gains Tax threshold to £25,000, after which it will be taxed at 35% (and decrease alongside the Flat Tax for income).


7. VAT to be abolished and replaced with a Local Sales Tax of an (easy to calculate) 10%.


8. Savings to be made by sacking hundreds of thousands of civil servants and public sector workers. Given the above, vast swathes can be lost from the Inland Revenue, Customs and Excise, the benefits office, etc. The culling of as many public servants as possible will be overseen by the Cabinet in their respective departments. As many as possible are to be lost, whilst still allowing the offices to function efficiently.


9. All public sector final salary pension schemes to be abolished. All contracts will be renegotiated to bring them more in line with the private sector, i.e. if a public sector worker is lazy or crap, they get fired. If the unions get uppity, we will simply outsource all of the work and fire all of the public sector staff who strike.


10. All farming subsidies to be abolished. It'll be hard, but if New Zealand can manage it, I'll sure that we can too.

*This should have the side benefit of curbing underage pregnancies: since those under 16 cannot work and nor will they receive the CBI, they will have no income. Should they have a child, the parents families will have to contribute to the child's welfare. That should in turn ensure that parents are a little more careful about where their children are and who they are opening their legs for.

HEALTH

1. All NHS trusts to be spun off as private companies, in line with Andrew's suggestions.


2. Shares to be issued on the basis of NI paid in. These will be treated like a building society demutualisation windfall.


3. All emergency healthcare to be free at the point of delivery, paid for through general taxation.


4. All essential healthcare (i.e. not, for instance, cosmetic surgery) to be free at the point of delivery through a system of vouchers (again, paid for through general taxation) which can be saved over the years. These vouchers can also be used towards the cost of non-essential services.

I believe that we will end up with a system of smaller, more local hospitals since they will take far less capital expenditure to build. They will also be easier to run and keep clean.

EDUCATION

1. All schools to spun off as private companies. All government and local authority interference to be removed, except that children will not be allowed to leave their primary school unless they can read, write and add up.


2. All parents to be issued with education vouchers. If their desired school costs more than the value of the vouchers issued, parents will have to fund the shortfall. This should esure that parents a little more interest in what their children are learning (and whether they are actually at school).


3. Universities to set their own fees and encouraged to find the majority of their own funding, with the exception of serious research, mainly in the areas of science and technology, which will be heavily funded (particularly in the areas of alternative power sources, e.g. wave power and other technologies. No more bloody wind turbines). Research into the relative dimensions of the Spice Girls' fannies will not.

DEVOLUTION

1. Scotland, England, Wales and Northen Ireland have all done very well out of the Union. Therefore, all moves towards further devolution will be abolished.


2. The regions will be presided over by the old style of Minister, but preferably an MP who is resident in—and preferably a native of—the relevant region.


3. The sole concession will be a Regional Council, which will consist of all the sitting MPs for that region. They will ensure that the voices and requests of the people of NI, Wales and Scotland will be carried to Westminster. This Council will have no binding powers.

MISCELLANEOUS

1. Firearms will still be licensed, but not so strictly. The carrying of an unlicensed firearm will be treated as a conspiracy to murder, punishable by a minimum 15 year jail term.


2. Convicts will serve their full term: there will be no parole.


3. Policemen found to have fabricated evidence will be tried and sentenced appropriately.


4. Immigration to be tightly controlled. Immigrants will be held in detention centres until their applications are processed. This should be done within a week. Failed applicants will be swiftly deported to their country of origin. Successful applicants will swear an oath of allegiance to monarch, government and country.


5. Jerusalem and I Vow To Thee My Country to feature regularly in church services. This is mainly because they are great hymns. I think that the C of E might see a resurgance if they start singing good hymns, as opposed to bollocks such as My God Is So Big, So Strong And So Mighty (I'll elaborate if you ever meet me). I think that we may adopt I Vow... as an alternative National Anthem, in fact. As a little reminder:
   

   I vow to thee, my country—all earthly things above—
   Entire and whole and perfect, the service of my love;
   The love that asks no question, the love that stands the test,
   That lays upon the altar the dearest and the best;
   The love that never falters, the love that pays the price,
   The love that makes undaunted the final sacrifice.
   
   And there’s another country, I’ve heard of long ago—
   Most dear to them that love her, most great to them that know;
   We may not count her armies, we may not see her King;
   Her fortress is a faithful heart, her pride is suffering;
   And soul by soul and silently her shining bounds increase,
   And her ways are ways of gentleness, and all her paths are peace.

Any other policies considered upon application. In fact, that may well be a policy in itself...