The Foreign Office—ChickenYoghurt

Justin is at the FCO, and is, in his first point, mainly concerned with Iraq.

1) Introduce proposals at the UN for the internationalisation of the situation in Iraq

• Blue helmets on the ground as soon as possible.


• UN negotiators to meet the various parties to rexamine the constitution, from scratch if necessary.


• Generous Citizen's Wage to be introduced for all, financed by oil revenues.


• Foreign companies' contracts to be renegotiated to stipulate that they provide jobs for Iraqis.


• Depleted uranium and cluster bomb cleanup programmes stepped up.


• Countries not honouring pledges of aid to be "outed".


• Reconciliation committee to be established; Saddam Hussein to be tried at the Hague.


• Democracy and citizenship training to be introduced for all Iraqis serving in police and armed services.<.li>

Couple of issues with that lot, Justin. What is your preferred mandate for the UN peacekeepers on the ground? Will they be allowed to shoot back (which they were not in Bosnia)? Also, when, the day before the Iraqi elections in January, the "insurgant" leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi "declared a bitter war against the principle of democracy and all those who seek to enact it", would it matter whether it were UN soldiers or US soldiers that were there? Also, why don't you like the current constitution, and what would you change?

2) Lobby for Afghanistan's opium production to be legalised and its output used to produce pharmaceutical drugs. Section of sales revenue to be used to finance worldwide rehabilitation programmes for heroin addicts.

Sensible enough. It would cost us far less to simply buy Afghanistan's poppy crop than it costs, at present, fighting heroin in the UN member countries. Since 90% of Europe's heroin comes from Afghanistan, this would make a lot of sense.

3) Strategic Export trade licences to be granted according to an open and transparent "democracy and human rights index".

So, no weaponry to African dictators? Fair enough, might even encourage them to invest some money in their countries rather than buying bigger and better Hawker "Training" Jets. Any specific places in mind?

Since we are going to withdraw from the EU (my diktat!), have you got any plans for reconnecting with the Commonwealth?

Thanks for those policies, Justin. Over to the rest of the Cabinet for contemplation...